Stay out of the water....

[Homer]

A third shark attack has happened in Florida. :o

[avs1roy33]

Good thing i'm going to the beach in California....

[beanie]

It's time to go fishing for me then, I love to fish for shark.  Better to eat some of them before they get more of us in florida.

[katieshunnybunny(rangerboy)]

And a good thing I am in HAWAII!!!

[tvc]

They need Chief Brody down there  O0

[Homer]

It's time to go fishing for me then, I love to fish for shark.  Better to eat some of them before they get more of us in florida.

I caught a small 3-4 footer before. I wasn't messing with that sucker. I cut the line and dumped him.

[Jeffer]

Well, if one can get up the Rio Grande then I'll start worrying...

But of course there are those pesky land sharks... 

"Candygram"...  I hate to ask who remembers that old SNL sketch.

[Barbara]

I do!  I loved the early SNL.  Not to hijack a topic (oh, as if!) Nothing was funnier that SNL in the early years.

[ Music: "Jaws Theme" ]

[ open on interior, apartment ]

[ doorbell sounds ]

Woman #1: [ moves to chain-locked door ] Who is it?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Ramilarghh??

Woman #1: Who is it?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber..

Woman #1: Plumber? I didn't ask for a plumber. Who is it?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Telegram.

Woman #1: Oh. Telegram. Just a moment.

[ unlocks door, and opens it. The head of the shark appears, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the hallway as she screams. ]

[ SUPER: "Jaws II" ]

[ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Sheriff and Matt Hooper looking over a three-foot long metal tub covered with a white cloth ]

Matt Hooper: [ looks under cloth and winces ] Oh, my God!

Sheriff: What was it?

Matt Hooper: Land shark. The cleverest species of them all.

Sheriff:

[ dissolve to Woman #2 in her apartment ]

[ Music: "Jaws Theme ]

[ a knock at the door ]

Woman #2: [ appoaches the door ] Yes?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Arlsbergerhh??

Woman #2: Who?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Johnannesburrrr??

Woman #2: Who is it?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Flowers.

Woman #2: Flowers? From whom?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber, ma'am..

Woman #2: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Candygram.

Woman #2: Candygram, my foot! Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the shark, and you know it.

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] I'm only a dolphin, ma'am..

Woman #2: A dolphin? Well.. okay..

[ she opens the door, as the shark pulls her screaming into the hallway ]

[ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Matt Hooper lifts up cloth napkin covering plate, then winces and looks away ]

Sheriff: What is it?

Matt Hooper: Egg salad again. [ removes sandwich from under napkin, and takes a bite ]

[ dissolve to Woman #3 in her apartment, Woman #2 putting on make-up to go out ]

[ door buzzes ]

Woman #3: Who is it?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Land Shark.

Woman #3: [ laughing ] Oh, Walter!

[ she opens door laughing, but is attacked and dragged into the hall by the Land Shark ]

[ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Sheriff on phone looking horrified into another rtub covered with cloth ]

Sheriff: [ on phone ] Hello, Walter. I have some good news, and I have some bad news. First, the good news. There's a party tonight at my house. Now, the bad news: you'll be coming stag. Goodbye, Walter..

[ dissolve to Woman #4 in apartment, listening to the radio ]

Radio: ...considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the great white, which tends to inhabit the waters of harbors and recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women. Experts at the University of Miami's Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of an attack is to hit or punch the predator in the Nose. Now for the weather..

Woman #4: [ turns off radio, as the doorbell rings ] Who is it?

Muffled Voice: Sorry to disturb you, ma'am. I'm from the Jehovah's Witnesses, and thought you might be interested in a copy of our journal, "The Watchtower".

Woman #4: [ grabs a mallet and inches towards the door ] Why, I'd be very interested..

Muffled Voice: Would you mind opening the door, ma'am?

Woman #4: Certainly.

[ she unlocks the door a crack, and reaches out with the mallet to strike the Land Shark's head. Instead of the shark, a Jehovah's Witness stumbles into the apartment and drops onto the floor in front of her. ]

[ SUPER: "The End?" ]

[ fade ]





SNL Transcripts

[NotAdumbBlonde]

;D Thanks Barbara, now I have to go pull out my old copies of SNL just to go watch the Land Shark in action.   So much for getting more badges tonight  ;D

[Barbara]

You're welcome honey.  Give Mom and Dad my Fourth of July best wishes.  Oh, and tell them that your brother needs to share better.

[NotAdumbBlonde]

SHHH don't tell my brother, but he is moving over the weekend and I am going to "borrow" his silver bundle of fun  >:D   Can't wait to get it home with me.   I may even have to stay in a hotel over night so I can play quicker.   900 miles is a long way to drive in anticipation of my own couch and television ;)

[Barbara]

Bah ha ha!  You deserve it!

[NotAdumbBlonde]

Hubby said were having a "private party", lock the doors, shut the blinds, turn off the phone and send the kid away so we can play till our fingers bleed.   Your invited too.

[Jeffer]

Somehow, I knew it would be Barb that not only remembered but got a transcript....

[Barbara]

I am honored, thanks.  My turn at the game will be brief, making me the gal who has to make the margaritas at the mini bar.  I am so bad at video games.  Don't expect me to be bogarting the game for more than 30 seconds.  I will step on a land mine before I even get to make a move.

[NotAdumbBlonde]

I am honored, thanks.  My turn at the game will be brief, making me the gal who has to make the margaritas at the mini bar.  I am so bad at video games.  Don't expect me to be bogarting the game for more than 30 seconds.  I will step on a land mine before I even get to make a move.

Forget making the margaritas, we'll be the one's sitting on the floor drinking them.  Make the men work the bar!!!

[Barbara]

I like the way that you think!

[NotAdumbBlonde]

I like the way that you think!

Is there any other way to think?!?!?!    Just remember, no getting the cats drunk.   They get nasty when hung over  ;)

[Homer]

How about Homer's getting drunk?

[NotAdumbBlonde]

Sure, I'll even pull out my Homer bottle opener for you  ;)

Barbara, even better idea than sitting on the floor drinking, since all the guys will be busy with the video games, that means all my puters will be available for getting badges, they can serve our drinks in here  O0