thanksgiving humor

[bubblegum]

THINGS TO DO TO LIVEN THANKSGIVING DINNER

Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the ALL new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.

Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

The 12 Days of Thanksgiving

On the First Day.....
We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.

On the Second Day.....
We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the Third Day.....
We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies

On the Fourth Day.....
We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.

On the Fifth Day.....
We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a naked turkey carcass.

On the Sixth Day.....
We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the Seventh Day.....
We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the Eighth Day.....
The word ''vegetarian'' keeps popping into our heads.

On the Ninth Day.....
We check our hair to make sure we're not beginning to sprout feathers

On the Tenth Day.....
We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler

On the Eleventh Day.....
We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight

On the Twelfth Day.....
We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers and everybody says
AMEN !

Thanksgiving Dinner on the run: A woman called the butterball turkey hotline to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside."

Top 10 Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving But Aren't

10. "Talk about a huge breast!"
9. "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
8. "Don't play with your meat."
7. "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
6. "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
5. "You still have a little bit on your chin."
4. "How long will it take after you stick it in?"
3. "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
2. "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
1. "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

[Swámpßàby §]

My ribs are killing me for laughing so hard.  Thanks for the laugh. ;D

[bubblegum]

np ;D

[persistence]

bubblegum....you are the best...BAGL<bust a gut laughing>....ohhhhhhhh my ribs hurt...stop   stop     you are killing me   i can't take anymore :)  :)  :)  :)  :)  :)  :)  :)  :)     ENJOY