signs santa is crazy

[bubblegum]

Shaves head and beard, then insists on being called "Santa Kurtz."
Tells kids about the comparative kill ratio of the AK-47 over the Daisy Air Rifle.
Those nasty chewing tobacco streaks in his beard.
The twinkle in his eye and the twitch of his nose are due to a lack of medication.
Every so often, snaps at a kid "You've been bad and now you're going down, punk!"
Actually enjoys it when small children urinate on his lap.
Caught drinking red wine with fish during break.
"Hey kid, bet I can wet my pants faster than you can!"
Answers every child's toy request with "Dream on, pee wee!"
When a child wets on his lap, he returns the favor.
Instead of a candy cane, gives each kid a pack of Marlboros and a homemade venison pie.

'Twas The Day After Christmas

'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now charge away--charge away--charge away all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"Enjoy what you got. . .   . . .you'll be paying all year!"

[Homer]

#1 sign santa is crazy  :P

[bubblegum]

Oh my.  That has to be the biggest sign of all  :o Marge must be a very patient woman LOL

[Homer]

No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy.
:P

[bubblegum]

 :o you'll get plenty of beer and tv this weekend

[Homer]

yup yup.....

[Thunder]

Dear loved ones,

As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be repeated. During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration. Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know the meaning of the celebration.

I remember that last year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were many,many beautifully wrapped gifts. But, do you want to know something? I wasn't invited. I was the guest of honor and they didn't remember to send me an invitation. The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside, they closed the door in my face .... and I wanted to be with them and share their table.

In truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me. Since I wasn't invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner. They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. They were having a grand time. To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He seemed drunk. He sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying: "Santa Claus, Santa Claus" .. as if the party were in his honor!

At 12 Midnight all the people began to hug each other; I extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and ... do you know ... no one hugged me. Suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me.


What would you feel if on your birthday everybody shared gifts and you did not get one? I then understood that I was unwanted at that party and quietly left.

Every year it gets worse. People only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. I would like this Christmas that you allow me to enter into your life. I would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago I came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. Today, I only want that you believe this with all your heart.

I want to share something with you. As many didn't invite me to their party, I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party that no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party.

I'm still making the final arrangements. Today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. I want to know if you wish to attend and I will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters in my great guest book. Only those on the guest list will be invited to the party. Those who don't answer the invite, will be left outside.

Be prepared because when all is ready you will be part of my great party.

See you soon. I Love you! Jesus

marry christmas eve . jennie

[bubblegum]

thats kinda cool

[janet]

Very beautiful Jenne.  I try to remember Jesus every day.  I try to remembr to say "Thank you for giving me this day".  Somedays I do forget.  I hope he doesn't forget me.

When you think about him instead of your problems it seems to make life much easier.

Happy Birthday, Jesus.

[BoredNItaly]

Every morning when I wake up I thank Jesus for letting me wake up and have a new day and every night before I go to bed I thank him for letting me survive the day to have another to look forward to.

[lori]

Our holiday tradition that i began when my oldest child was a baby is that we have birthday cake for breakfast Christmas morning. It is the only day we ever have cake for breakfast. We talk about why we are having cake, and remember what the day, the cake, the gifts really mean.
i am heart-broken today and shuffling my feet. My kids went to their dad's for Christmas and i hate it when they are gone. Their father was seriously injured this summer when a van motor blew up with him in the van. Long before he got hurt, he would not pay child support, and several of the boys' birthdays went completely unacknowledge. Between that and the awful drive, which usually ended up being about ten hours going back and forth twice, as he wouldn't travel, usually kept me from taking them more than i absolutely had to. Now though, i've had this ephany about what it has to be like for the boys with everything, and the realization that he could have died, been gone from them forever. He has also moved to a place where my driver is SUBSTANTIALLY shorter, and they really wanted to spend Christmas day with their dad. I called him the other day and asked him to please fix a cake for them to have. They are 10 & 11. They may not want to continue this tradition much longer, but i desparately want it to last as long as possible, they are simply growing up way too fast for me.
So between my children being gone and the very sad news of a friend passing away the day before yesterday, i am very weepy today.  :'(