fad diets

[bubblegum]

I was thinking about all those diet plans out there and I know I put WAY WAY to much thought into this....but here is how to get rich quick off a fad diet....LOL

How to Create Your Fad Diet:

Here are the basic ingredients you will need to create your own fad diet:

A book that lists the nutritional values of every food under the sun.
A good idea about what foods the grocery store carries
A bag of chips and a case of beer (you'll need a snack while you work).
A picture of someone who was slim 5 years ago and a current photo of them.
The now larger person has to wear an outfit in the phot that is at least 10 years old.

Let's get Started:

Choosing the Diet Method:

When choosing the method for your fad diet you will need your book of nutrition. Look in your book and find a measure of nutrition that is irrelevant to everyday life. Here are some good examples of methods for a fad diet:

"The all the potassium you want diet."
The "Potassium is killing you" diet.
"I Zinced away 50 pounds"
"Low Sodium is Low Weight"

The more obsure the diet name, the better.

Choosing Your Fad Diet Foods

When choosing the menu for your fad diet you will need your list of items that they have at the grocery store. Using this list, you must follow these rules:

Menu items cannot be carried by a normal grocery store.

Mango and Shallots used to be good examples of fad diet ingredients but may be too common.

Malt syrup might be used on bulgar wheat toast.

Frozen sliced ocra and rutabaga are good ideas to accompany an arugula salad.

Menu items must be unlikely to be kept in ones pantry.

Fruits are good candidates because they spoil.

Dairy products also expire and are likely candidate.

Frozen foods are good also because they will tie up freezer space and prevent future purchases of ice cream.

Items should sound sort of healthy, but not really.

Cottage cheese, Saltine crackers, plain yogurt and castor oil are good choices.

Serving sizes must be an incredibly small portion of an item that must be bought in bulk. Best if this item is useless for everyday consumption or spoils quickly.

Perfect serveing sizes are:

1/8 of a pound of ground pork.
One 1/8" slice of watermellon.
1/4 cup of puffed rice.
Two teaspoons of un-milled barley.
1 teaspoon of dark corn syrup.

Make the Fad Diet Schedule
Time span

First pick a really short time span. Too long of a time span and people won't be interested (too much like reality). Too short of a timespan and you won't be able to punish people enough. Typically 3 or 4 days is enough.

Weight Reduction
Second, pick a promised weight reduction. I think most people don't think they can lose more than 4 pounds per day, so keep it a little less than that, but be positive. Also, give a large range of weight loss. And put an official sounding disclaimer in there for good measure. Here are some examples:
Lose up to 12 pounds in 3 days! (acual weight loss ranges from 8-12 pounds depending on the person, their metabolism, and the digestability of the potassium magenate encountered).
I lost 13 pounds between Monday and Thursday and you can too! (my experience may not be yours, however I am a very average person that has never excelled at anything).
Follow Dr. Jingleheimerschmidts program and get down the pounds! (Consult a doctor before starting Dr. Jingleheimerschmidts program especially if you ever experience shortness of breath when climbing more than 8 flights of stairs).

Plan the Menu
Finally, you plan the menu. Planning the menu involves taking each meal and eliminate one aspect from a normal meal. Remember to use your ingredients. Examples:

Regular Breakfast Fad Diet Breakfast
Glass of Milk
Glass of Goats Milk
Piece of Toast

OR

Plate of eggs, bacon, hashbrowns
Coffee

Lunch Fad Diet Lunch
Salad
1/3 of a Radicio with balsamic vinegar

OR

Soup
Cabbage soup

OR
Club sandwich with ham & turkey

Soda
Diet Creme Soda

Dinner Fad Diet Dinner

Mashed Potatoes
Roast Beef
Salad with no dressing

Dessert
Pineapple flavored cottage cheese


That's it!

When you are done publish it on the internet. Use the pictures of your weight gaining friend as an after and before picture and soon you'll have a cult following

[Homer]

I like the Seefood Diet.

I See Food and I eats it.

[Mr. Rasputia]

Of course with a frosty mug of Duff beer on the side, or more like a few mugs  ;D

[Homer]

Of course with a frosty mug of Duff beer on the side, or more like a few mugs  ;D

I didn't think I had to mention that anymore. :P

[nightperson]

well i think i will saty with whatever i want to eat i always think of it like this it is not what you is how much you eat

[Mary]

me 2 homer i seefood i eat food  :))  :))  :))

[pogo_gamer]

 :)))