funny sayings

[bubblegum]

Here are some of my favorite sayings....enjoy!!

UFO's are real. It's the Air Force that doesn't exist!

A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.

Marriage is Grand... Divorce is 20 Grand...

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

MONEY TALKS... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!

If life begins at 40, what are you supposed to do until then?

I'm in shape... round's a shape isn't it?

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn LOUDER!

I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

They put smoke in every electronic component, thats why if the smoke gets out the component is stuffed.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

There is not as much gravity on the moon because it is further away from Earth.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

What do you mean? You actually read this tagline?!

What time is it when you see a Geo following a Geo? Tin after tin.

I think, therefore I am overqualified.

[Bree]

Good ones, Bubblegum... :)) :))

[Brandon493]

lol  :D :D

[hades]

had me laughing  :)

[nanners]

Funny stuff!!  :))

[Mary]

very funny  :))  :))  :))

[nanners]

WELL WELL..I see I lost my glitter name... :'(

[Mary]

i see it nanners  :)

[Bree]

I see it too Nanners :)

[Tara]

 :)) I love those good one liners...I like using them in my profile on pogo...I change it weekly

[Mary]

lets hear some tara  :))  :))  :))

[SI]

Those were too funny :))

Just wanted to share some more:

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
In fact, just leave me the h*** alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It is always darkest before dawn.  So if you are going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that is the time to do it.

Do not be irreplaceable; because if you cannot be replaced, then you cannot be promoted.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. (my favorite >:D)

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of loan payments.

If at first you do not succeed, well then, skydiving is not for you.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you do not have to remember anything.

If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side & a dark side; and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories concerning arguing with women.  Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you are not learning much when your mouth is moving.

Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

[Mary]

to funny  :))  :))  :)) thanks

[Tara]

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore spb.gif

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

[Tara]

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?   I use this one under relationship on my pogo profile

[Tara]

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot

Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?

Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!

We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

[bubblegum]

glad you all like these spb.gif

[SI]

Things to Think about...

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously.  Nobody gets out alive.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?  I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[pogohatesme]

Things to Think about...

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously.  Nobody gets out alive.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?  I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I love George Carlin....he's one of my fav comics

[Jackpotloser]

Funny stuff ;D