More Blonde Jokes

[SaintHiρρo]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........  and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"


CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.  She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.  She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

 
SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.  Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk.  She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.  Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said.  "Your finger is broken"


KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!  Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

 
BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what?  We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot!  You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
 
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.  We're going at night!"

 
IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.  Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
   
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.  The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
 
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond.  "They ARE watch dogs!"

[foxx]

 :))   Love the Hellooooooooooooooo....

[pogohatesme]

OMG that's too funny!!  Lol this is one we use around the office sometimes:

A blonde calls 9-1-1 to report a house is on fire.  The dispatcher asks for the address and and the blonde asks why.  The dispatcher tells her that without the address they don't know how to get to the house, to which the blonde replies "Duh big red truck"

[foxx]

 :))  I have heard that one a million times..."Duh, Big Red Truck" gets me everytime...

[hades]

lmaooooooo  :))

[ClingFree]

At least 3 of those jokes reminded me of Pickles.

[foxx]

At least 3 of those jokes reminded me of Pickles.

:-*  ha ha ha

[nightperson]

hellooooooooooooooooo  :)) :)) :))

[bobby]

a blond and a brunette jump off a bridge who lands first?
the brunette: the blonde stopped to ask directions

how do you get a blonde out a tree?
wave

how can you tell if a blonde has been on your cpu?
there's cheese by the mouse

how do you keep a blonde amused for hours?
write turn over on both sides of a piece of paper

how do you drown a blonde?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool :P

did you ever hear about the blonde coyote?
it got caught in a bear trap, chewed off 3 legs and still was caught

[nightperson]

 :)) :)) very good ones

[Mary]

hahahahahahahahahha to funny love blonde jokes hahahahahaha  :)) :)) :))

[bobby]

How did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed?
He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.

Why did the blond quit his job as a restroom attendant?
He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
Double-dumb.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is
sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!

What's the advantage of being married to a blond?
You can park in handicapped zones.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.

How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.

What do you call an all-blond skydiving team?
A new version of the Lawn Darts game.

Where do you look for blonds' obituaries?
Under "Home Improvements."

Why did the blond take his new scarf back to the store?
It was too tight.

Why did it take the blond a whole week to wash three basement windows?
It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.

Did you hear about the blond who gave his cat a bath?
He still hasn't gotten all the hair off his tongue.

How does a psychic refer to a blonde?
Light reading.

Did you hear about the blond who thought he discovered that
he had a twin brother?
He didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.

There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact.
They rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it. The
first one opens it and says, "This person looks familiar" The second one
says, "Let me see." She looks at her friend and says, "Silly, that's me!"

Did you hear about the blond who never learned to waterski?
He couldn't find a lake with a slope.

What do you call a blond in a leather jacket?
A rebel without a clue!

Why did the blond only smell good on the right side?
He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Why couldn't the blond bob for apples?
His sister was using the toilet.

A blond is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his
window seat?
Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?
Donna: I dunno. How?
Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row.
Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

Why don't blonds have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.

What did the blond do when he noticed that someone had already
written on the overhead transparency?
He turned it over and used the other side.

Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000
leagues under the sea?
She said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there
were so many teams.

Why did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.

[nightperson]

ok this is true but she was a blonde this girl was putting her brand new boat in the river and then parl her truck she was out with firend also (blonde they was going and she said i will make it go fast well it didnt so she was asking some1 what could it be in another pass by boat they told her to go to the marine and maybe they could see what was wrong well she got there and she told them what was wrong well one of the guys look and sisnt see nothing so he told the other1 to go and see if there was somthing wrong with the prompt well he did he got on his gear and went to look he was down there for a few minutes he cam up gurling out the mouth so the other guys help him to the dock they thought the guy was drowning so they took his mask off he was laughing so hard he almost did drown the other guys  ask him what was the laughing he then ask the girl have you ever took a boat out into the water she said no he then look at the other guy and then he laugh again well what the whole thing was about she put the boat in the water with thr trailer still under it lol they ask her if she knew to do this she said i thought that was the way you put a boat in the water because the trailer has wheels on it for when you dock it in here
sry for typo  :)) :))

[pogohatesme]

love em bobby! :))

[Mary]

to funny bobby  :))  :))  :))  thanks

[zzigzzag]

rofl......omg  to funny guys!  thnx for the giggles!

[pogo_gamer]

 :))) :)) :))) :))