Homer's Laugh House

[WhitePanther]

 It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro
Martinez, the
> son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
>
> The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
>
> "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of
blank
> faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
>
> "Patrick Henry, 1775."
>
> "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the
> people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the
earth?"
>
> Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
>
> The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
> Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
> than you do!"
>
> She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
> "Who said that?" she demanded.
>
> Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
>
> At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
> The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
>
> Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister,1991."
>
> Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
>
> Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
teacher,
> Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
>
> Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If
you
say
> anything else, I'll kill you!"
>
> Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice,
> "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
>
> The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the
floor,
> someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
>
> Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
>
> Finally someone throws an eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"!
>
> Teacher asked "Who said that?
>
> Pedro: Dick Cheney 2006

[Helen]

Good ones, thanks!!  :))

[Tara]

THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE -

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!!

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
                       

30.. I smile so much because I don't know what the hell is going on!!!!
                                         



 

These are my favorite  :))

[WhitePanther]

Teacher: "Michael, if you were on a date--- having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at

the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine... whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner . ."

The teacher fainted

[SaintHiρρo]

LoL, Pedro is one heck of a smart kid.

[wattsmyname]

 WhitePanther Those are so funny :)) :)) :))

[Helen]

Thanks for sharing.  :))

[WhitePanther]

i dont post too much but i can share a joke ;D

[Bree]

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED???


1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use - toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
"THEIRS"?

[wattsmyname]

OH you are so bad, but funny :)) :)) :)) :))

[Bree]

Ummmm....I will take that as a complement, Watts.....I think.... :))

[hades]

you should  :P

[Bree]

you should :P

Ok I will  :P

[hades]

sweet  :D

[wattsmyname]

Ummmm....I will take that as a complement, Watts.....I think.... :))

i dont post too much but i can share a joke ;D

That was for WhitePanther His joke was removed  :-X
But now that I think about it. It's for you as well Bree :)) :)) :))

[Bree]

Sorry Watts, I guess I spoke to soon.... :-\

[wattsmyname]

Sorry Bree I did not catch it when his joke was removed and by the time I did it was to late. ;)

[Mary]

love those bree thank you for them  :D

[Bree]

I am glad you liked them Mama... :) and you are welcome.

[WhitePanther]

 :oo   :-[ sry