Homer's Laugh House

[Helen]

Not touching that one :))

I can make my belly jiggle like Jello.  :P

So what your kinda saying is like someone could sit on your belly and get a free ride?   >:D

Now there's a wild visual!!

[Libra]

Giddy me up...ride'm cowboy!! ;D

Somehow, Brokeback Homer doesn't fit.  Not like them tightie whities fit, anyway.

[Helen]

Giddy me up...ride'm cowboy!! ;D

Somehow, Brokeback Homer doesn't fit.  Not like them tightie whities fit, anyway.

Lib, you crack me up!! That was too funny.  :D

[SaintHiρρo]

Giddy me up...ride'm cowboy!! ;D

Somehow, Brokeback Homer doesn't fit.  Not like them tightie whities fit, anyway.

And yet Homer has one of the most classic quotes that's repeated at least once a week on The Dan Patrick Show on ESPN Radio: "Three Simple Words: I Am Gay"

[Homer]

Sorry but Homer don't play that way. ;)

[Helen]

Sorry but Homer don't play that way. ;)

Thank goodness or Tara would be really upset!! :P

[WhitePanther]

Homer and the blonde

Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall
building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?
"Homer said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Homer, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money.

Reminds me of an old trick of mine.

I was at the bar with a friend and we were doing shots and beers. I said to my friend I'll bet you $20 I can cover the shotglass with my hat and drink the shot without ever touching the hat. So, he agrees and I wait about 30 seconds staring at the hat and I said 'OK, it's gone" He says "What are you talking about?" and he lifts the hat off the drink then I grab the shotglass and do the shot and collect my $20  :o :P

You're a riot Homer!! :))

I was at the bar with a friend and we were doing shots and beers. I said to my friend I'll bet you $20 I can cover the shotglass with my hat and drink the shot without ever touching the hat. So, he agrees and I wait about 30 seconds staring at the hat and I said 'OK, it's gone" He says "What are you talking about?" and he lifts the hat off the drink then I grab the shotglass and do the shot and collect my $20



Reminds me of the time i lost 20 from a guy who said he could bite his ear so he took out his teeth and did

[hades]

lol  :))

[wattsmyname]

 :)) :)) :))

[krispy]

FEMALE POEM
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
          One who loves to listen all day long,
          One who thinks before he speaks,
          One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
          I want him to be gainfully employed,
          And when I spend his cash, not be annoyed.
          Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
          Massages my back and begs to do more.
          Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind,
          and knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
          I want this man to love me to no end,
          And forever be my very best friend.


          MALE POEM

          I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
          with huge b**bs who owns a
          liquor store and a racing boat.
          I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a chit.

[foxx]

lmmfao...

[Helen]

ok....lol!!

[Helen]

It's really amazing what people will bet on when they've been drinking!!  :))

[krispy]

Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show!

A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!

And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file!

And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road!

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket-knife
Paste you did with glue!

A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head.

I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

[krispy]

LETTER TO PARENTS FROM A COLLEGE STUDENT



Dear Parent(s), Date: ______________

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send:

__ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________
__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________
__ Clean clothes!

Relationships:

__ What?
__ I am in love with myself
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged
__ I got married last weekend

My Roommate:

__ Worships the ground I walk on
__ Gave me a black eye
__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
__ Has fleas

My Professors are:

__ Sadistic water walkers
__ Mental institution escapees
__ Brain dead nerds
__ Super oxygen thieves

Latest News:

__ I wrecked the car
__ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
__ You are going to have a grandchild
__ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild

Food:

__ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

Health:

__ I have gained _____ pounds
__ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
__ My HIV test was: _____ positive _____ negative (check only one)
__ I died yesterday!

Grades:

__ I am making all A's
__ I am not being properly challenged
__ I will be home after this semester

I study:

__ Night and day
__ All the time
__ 80 hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above

Daily Devotions:

__ I read my Bible everyday
__ I can't read
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

On my last visit home, I left:

__ My glasses
__ My paper that was due yesterday
__ The clothes you washed for me
__ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
__ Other _____________________________________________

Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)

Laundry:

__ My white underwear is now _________________
__ I am saving money by not using detergent
__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

My room:

__ Can pass your "white glove" test
__ Is only _____% full
__ Could not be located last Saturday night
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

Parties:

__ I don't inhale
__ I only go to meet people
__ Haven't been to one since this morning

Hope you:

__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

Salutation:

__ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,
__ Yours,

__________________________________________________
Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark ("X").

[hades]

lol  :)

[wattsmyname]

I love it :)) :))

[badgemad]

 :))

[SaintHiρρo]

I'm slow... took me a while to understand this was a poem!

lol @ 3½ floppy!

[Tara]

This is a cute one  O0