Homer's Laugh House

[krispy]

crazy, that was very funny!  thanks, lmazzettia.

[Lynne]

no problem, not that i didnt need to laugh any more than i have, with the 100 personalities thread  :))

[krispy]

no problem, not that i didnt need to laugh any more than i have, with the 100 personalities thread  :))

yes, that thread is certainly getting a workout, lol.

[crazy_]

np glad to be able to provide a chuckle ... yvw

[hades]

nice one krispy  :))

[crazy_]

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.

Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a salesperson hadn't been near.  But, as she turned back, there standing next to her, was a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?'' Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked. "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that, if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price.  :))

[~Ãutolovér~]

Nude Firefighters

The all nude firefighter calendar for 2006 comes in an all-male and an all-female version. All pics show full frontal nudity, for both female and males.
Just click on the menu to select which one you want to view.
They are available for sale on the site -- the calendars, not the officers.
Click on the site (2006 Calendar) below to view all 12 (24) totally nude firefighters .

2006 Calendar

                      http://www.richstevens.com/NAKED.swf


Homer/Mayhem...please don't remove until you try it 1st. ;)

[Luna]

Autolover that was  :))

[Tara]

Nude Firefighters

The all nude firefighter calendar for 2006 comes in an all-male and an all-female version. All pics show full frontal nudity, for both female and males.
Just click on the menu to select which one you want to view.
They are available for sale on the site -- the calendars, not the officers.
Click on the site (2006 Calendar) below to view all 12 (24) totally nude firefighters .

2006 Calendar

                      http://www.richstevens.com/NAKED.swf


Homer/Mayhem...please don't remove until you try it 1st. ;)

Good gawd woman !!   :;'

[Lynne]

good one auto lmao  :)) im thinkin cool, sweet naked guys woo hoo  ::)

[~Ãutolovér~]

good one auto lmao  :)) im thinkin cool, sweet naked guys woo hoo  ::)

:))  >:D hi hi!

[hades]

alil over excited? lol

[WhitePanther]

While I was watching the NFL playoff games one weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation I told her that
I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it's tough being married to a smartass.

[Lynne]

lol I would have done the same dang thing  >:D :))

[liebe_angel]

umm that gives me and idea... yep gonna try that tonight lol

[Lynne]

 :o you brave woman lol. keep us updated as to what happens lol

[liebe_angel]

IFyou don't hear from me tomorrow you know I didn't survive the battle lmao more than likely he'll run and turn off my puter to get even lol

[Lynne]

lol ok *marks on post it note * "keep track of angel77, incase hubby gets too mad at her :)) " ok got it. i know mine would unplug my puter lol

[bubblegum]

How Many Christians Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

[~Ãutolovér~]

The wife came home early to find her husband making love to a


  beautiful  sexy young woman.    "You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk!


  What are you doing? How dare you do  this to me the faithful wife, the


  mother of your children! I'm leaving  this house and I want a


  divorce!"    The husband, replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you


  leave, at least  listen to what happened."    "It'll be the last thing


  I will hear from you so make it fast, you  cheating creep."    "While


  driving  home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so


  defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her into my car. I noticed


  she  was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had


  not  eaten for three days. Out of compassion, I brought her home and


  warmed  up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't


  eat  because you're afraid you'll gain more weight. When I served them


  to  her, the poor young thing, practically inhaled them. Since she was


  dirty  I asked her if she'd like to bathe. While she was showering, I


  noticed  her clothes were worn-out and full of holes so I threw them


  away.    Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that


  you no  longer wear because they're too tight on you, I also gave her


  the blouse  that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear


  because I don't  have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my


  sister gave you  for  Christmas that you won't wear just to bother my


  sister and I also gave  her the boots that you bought at the expensive


  boutique that you never  wore again after you saw your co-worker


  wearing the same pair.    After she dressed, I walked the young woman


  to the door where she turned  around and with tears of gratitude


  streaming down her cheeks, she asked  me, "Sir, do you have anything


  else your wife doesn't use?" .....  YES, I do baby!! .....
:o :-[ :-\