Homer's Laugh House

[liebe_angel]

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his *ummm lets call it Stanley*

Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to *Stanley* and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned *Stanley* into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his*Stanley* fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!"

[hades]

lol.  :)

[justahumping]

old is so hard at times.
Yesterday I got Preparation 'H' mixed up with Poli-Grip.
NOW, I talk like an asshole .....but, my gums don't itch!

[Tara]

old is so hard at times.
Yesterday I got Preparation 'H' mixed up with Poli-Grip.
NOW, I talk like an asshole .....but, my gums don't itch!

Oh my!!  :))

[justahumping]

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just  give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3  pounds,
my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is  Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown? ... Sweet Jesus, I thought you  said, "Turn Around"!

[foxx]

Heeheeheeheehee!

[justahumping]

THOSE ITALIAN NUNS

At the Pearly Gates, they are met  by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you  six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish  to  be

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's  gone.

The second says, "I  want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone. 

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.." 
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he ask 
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. 
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry,  but that name just doesn't ring a  bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit  and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He  hands it back to her and says.

"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400  men  in 6  months."

================================================

If you laugh, you are going  straight to hell   :))

[foxx]

Clingy?  You better pull up the minivan 'cause...

:))

>:D

[justahumping]

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking.  He
puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. "Mom, look,
I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your
father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a
white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your
grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says, "Mira,
abuelita, I'm a white boy."  His grandmother slaps him in the face and
sends him back to his mother.
His mother says, "See.  Did you learn anything from that?" To which the
boy replies, "Sure did.  I have only been white for five minutes and I
already don't like you Mexicans!"

[Libra]

Clingy?  You better pull up the minivan 'cause...

:))

>:D

GIGGLESNORT!  Yup, pull the minivan around!   :))

[justahumping]

 A Middle Eastern potentate visiting the U.S. for the first time was attending a State Department dinner. Being unused to the salt in American foods, he continually sent his manservant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water. After several trips, Abdul returned empty-handed.  "Abdul, you bastard son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" the grand emir demanded.  "Ten thousand pardons, Illustrious One,"  stammered the wretched servant, "but white man sit on well."

[ClingFree]

Clingy?  You better pull up the minivan 'cause...

:))

>:D

Mini van is gassed up and ready to go!

[Tara]

Clingy?  You better pull up the minivan 'cause...

:))

>:D

Mini van is gassed up and ready to go!

We might go straight to hell but we will be holding hands right girls?

[ClingFree]

Clingy?  You better pull up the minivan 'cause...

:))

>:D

Mini van is gassed up and ready to go!

We might go straight to hell but we will be holding hands right girls?

Holding hands, and making faces at all the people we pass!!

[foxx]

Clingy?  You better pull up the minivan 'cause...

:))

>:D

Mini van is gassed up and ready to go!

We might go straight to hell but we will be holding hands right girls?

Absolutely.   :-* >>:D  :-*

Oh, and I've decided to add this...



to every post I make in protest.

Love,
Bossy Foxx

[justahumping]

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet.

He asked about using one of the pills.  The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. 

He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."

"I know," said Grandpa.  "The hundred is from Grandma."

[Libra]

Clingy?  You better pull up the minivan 'cause...

:))

>:D

Mini van is gassed up and ready to go!

We might go straight to hell but we will be holding hands right girls?

Yup!  You got it!

[~Ãutolovér~]

A lady walks into a penthouse bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the
counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

"Magic Beer", he says.

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"

"Yes, I'll show you."

He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body.

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real ass when you're drunk!"

[hades]

lol.  :)

[foxx]

Teehee!  Good one Auto!