Homer's Laugh House

[Homer]

Did you hear about the new Blonde paint?

Its not too bright,its cheap and it spreads easily.  :)) :)) :))

[gator8_24]

Now was that nice on a Sunday? :)) :)) :)) :))

[Homer]

I couldn't help myself.  :)))

[swamp]

Did you hear about the new Blonde paint?

Its not too bright,its cheap and it spreads easily.  :)) :)) :))

:)) :)) :))) good one  boss

[Chata *#$% up]

This is joke enough ..... lmao  :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :))

[Homer]

Why did Tara put a canary in the blender?

She wanted some shredded tweet.  :)) :)) :))

[Mayhem]

A woman rubbed a lamp, and out popped a genie.

"Do I get three wishes?" the woman asked. "Nope, I'm a one-wish genie. What will it be?"

"See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting so we can have world peace."

"They've been at war thousands of years. I'm not that good" he said. "What else do you have?"

"Well, I'd love a good man. One who's considerate, loves kids, likes to cook and doesn't watch sports all day."

"Let me see that map again", sighed the genie.

[raine56]

A woman rubbed a lamp, and out popped a genie.

"Do I get three wishes?" the woman asked. "Nope, I'm a one-wish genie. What will it be?"

"See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting so we can have world peace."

"They've been at war thousands of years. I'm not that good" he said. "What else do you have?"

"Well, I'd love a good man. One who's considerate, loves kids, likes to cook and doesn't watch sports all day."

"Let me see that map again", sighed the genie.

Too funny :))

[raine56]

My first quote and it worked.  Yeeha!! O0

[kandykitty20012]

A woman rubbed a lamp, and out popped a genie.

"Do I get three wishes?" the woman asked. "Nope, I'm a one-wish genie. What will it be?"

"See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting so we can have world peace."

"They've been at war thousands of years. I'm not that good" he said. "What else do you have?"

"Well, I'd love a good man. One who's considerate, loves kids, likes to cook and doesn't watch sports all day."

"Let me see that map again", sighed the genie.

:)))

[swamp]

Why did Tara put a canary in the blender?

She wanted some shredded tweet.  :)) :)) :))

:ooo :)))

[Homer]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."  :)) :)) :))

[Tara]

I don't get it  :-\


Just kidding I get it 

[swamp]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."  :)) :)) :))

:o :)) :)) :)) good one boss 

[Tara]

How do you say Merry Christmas to Britney, Paris & Nicole?

Ho, Ho, Ho!!!  <...> :))) :<<

:)))

[Homer]

Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?
"Freeze a jolly good fellow!"

What does Santa put on his toast?
"Jingle Jam"

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill.  Which one picked it up??
Santa!  The other two don't exist!

What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him!

What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!

What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Santa Jaws!

Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Elephanta Claus!

What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Crisp Kringle!

Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
So he can hide at the North Pole!

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint "Nickel"-less!

What smells most in a chimney?
Santa's nose!

What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!

What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus!

What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?
Kris Kringle burps!

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
Rapping paper!

What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-"toast"!

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won't take themselves!

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position!

What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
Tyranno-santa Rex!

What's red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like "rain", "Dear"!

What's red and green and flies?
An airsick Santa Claus!

How does Père Noël take pictures?
With his North "Pole"-aroid!

Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A "Holly" Davidson!

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!

What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!

How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
Stacks!

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Santa Clues!

Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa Paws of course!

[Tara]

OMG Those are funny....Do you need some rapping paper for your Pole- aroid  and will you see Harley on her Holly Davidson?  :)))

[Ladyrith63]

   Wishing all you cheaters a very MaryChristmas,,,
, may the Pogo Santa leave all your Cheat treats under your Tree,

[Ladyrith63]

 , Homer,, hehehe, that some good ones,,  :;' ;::

[swamp]

'Twas the day after Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas,

When all through the place

There were arguments and depression-

Even Mom had a long face.

The stockings hung empty,

And the house was a mess;

The new clothes didn't fit...

And dad was under stress.

The family was irritable,

And the children-no one could please;

Because the instructions for the swing set

Were in Chinese!

The bells no longer jingled,

And no carolers came around;

The sink was stacked with dishes,

And the tree was turning brown.(except for Ginas tree, because she ordered it from my moms amway business).

The stores were full of people

Returning things that fizzled and failed,

And the shoppers were discouraged

Because everything they'd bought was now on half-price sale!

Twas the day AFTER Christmas-

The spirit of joy had disappeared;

The hope on the horizon

Was twelve bowl games the first day of the New Year!    :## :)) :))