Homer's Laugh House

[butch1286]

I have to say about the American job one is so true. Something's wrong when the US flag is made in Korea or Taiwan

[CindyLouWho]

You're so very right about that Butch !   ::)

[jamez]

thats funny & so true about the american jobs

[Bissel]

7 y.o. Boy Challenges Court Ruling


Philadelphia (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia, Pa courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia Eagles, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

[Homer]

Haha.

[CindyLouWho]

7 y.o. Boy Challenges Court Ruling


Philadelphia (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia, Pa courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia Eagles, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

   :o  LOL Oh I gotta send this to my boyfriend's family, they live & breathe the Eagles.  (They'll know its just in fun tho)

[nascarrulz]

Finding a Good Paying Job in America


Joe Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6:00a.m.

While his coffee pot (made in China) was perking,

he shaved with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong).

He put on a dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), designer jeans (made in Singapore), and tennis shoes (made in Korea).

After cooking his breakfast in his electric skillet [made in India), he sat down with his calculator (made in Mexico), to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (made in Taiwan), to the radio (made in India), he got in his car (made in Germany) and continued his search for a good-paying American job.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for awhile. He put on his sandals (made in Brazil), poured himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turned on his TV (made in Indonesia), then wondered why he can't find a good-paying job in AMERICA.

Sad but true.  I blame stores like Wal-Mart for importing items like this rather than buying products made in the US of A.  All in the name of profits.

[Homer]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."  :o

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
:o :P

[CindyLouWho]

Children's X-Mas Carols

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols.

She probably got fired for mentioning Christmas in school. Anyway here are some of the humorous lines she received:


Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

We three kings of porridge and tar

On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me

Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He's makin a list, chicken and rice.

Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.

With the jelly toast proclaim

Olive, the other reindeer. (All of the other reindeer)

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

Sleep in heavenly peas

In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You'll go down in listerine

Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, froggy faithful

[CindyLouWho]

Star Wars Christmas 

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... lightsabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"

Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platfrom just out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"

Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."

[CindyLouWho]

I just had a dream about it

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for christmas holiday. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
=================================

Christmas Gift

A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter.
The toy arrived in 189 pieces.

The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour.

It took the old man two days to assemble the toy.

Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it off to the company.
=========================================

A Christmas Gift

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

[Homer]

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were
excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their
town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been
successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them
individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the
morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the
afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger
boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting
there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman
repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised
his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and
bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and
dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his
older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG
trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did
it!" :o

[Eagles Fan]

Omg  lmao   ;D 

[Madonna]

ROFLMAOOOOO!!! ;D

[Jinx55]

Love that one Homer we have 3 boys (all grown now) and they were always into mischief  >:D  O0

[DeadSet]

LMAO, that was a cute one, good for people with mischievous little boys.  :P

-dS

[CindyLouWho]

Getting a Traffic Ticket


A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place...

The man says: "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."

Man: "No sir, I was going 65."

Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."

{Man gives his wife a very dirty look.}

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."

{Man gives his wife a dirtier look.}

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."

Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."

Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."

{Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your mouth, woman!"

Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk."

[CindyLouWho]

HOSPITAL STORY

  A sweet grandmother telephoned the hospital.
  She  timidly  asked, "is it possible to speak to someone who
  can tell me how a patient is doing?
  The  operator  said  "i'll  be glad to help,Dear. What's the
  name and room number?
  The  grandmother  in  her  weak  tremulous voice said "Holly
  Finkel,room 302.
  The  operator  replied,  "Let  me  check.  Oh good news. Her
  record  says  that  Holly  is  doing  very  well.  Her blood
  pressure  is  fine;  her blood work just came back as normal
  and  her  physician,  Dr  Cohen,  has  scheduled  her  to be
  discharged Tuesday."
  The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so
  worried!
  God bless you for the good news".
  The  operator  replied,  "You're more than welcome. Is Holly
  your daughter?
  The  Grandmother  said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one
  tells me crap." 

[pogohatesme]

Lol I loved both of those!!   :D

[CindyLouWho]

Thanks!  I got loads of em but can't post lot of em unless I change some of the words, lol.   :)