Homer's Laugh House

[ME4SPADES_]

well im all set for super bowl i have goodies,drinks,2computer,big screen tv,mmm what else what have i miss oh ya and i have lock on me door lol

[Laurie-Anne]

A mother and her 5 yr old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy walks to the galley and asks the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes, she did...."

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because

Southwest always pulls out on time.  Have your mother explain that to you."   

[butch1286]

Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven,
God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a
faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity,
Peyton." said God.

"This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Peyton felt
special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he
noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3 story mansion
with a blue and white sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flag pole with an enormous
Seahawks flag, and in every window a blue Towel.

Peyton looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but
I have a question. I was an all-pro quarterback, I hold many NFL
records, and i even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said, "So what's your point Peyton?"
"Well, why does Matt Hasselbeck get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said, "Peyton, that's not Matt's house, it's mine."

Yup he knows who the best team is! Go SeaHawks! Future Super Bowl Winners!

[Homer]

Man Eats Underwear  :o

https://img384.imageshack.us/img384/3568/eatunderwear9bj.jpg

[pogohatesme]

Brings a whole new meaning to Bart's famous phrase  "Eat my shorts man"

[Homer]

This really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter. He stares at the needle that has stopped at 60 and exclaims, "I can't believe I lost 100 pounds!"  :o

[ME4SPADES_]

lmbo

[babygurl424]

Man Eats Underwear  :o

https://img384.imageshack.us/img384/3568/eatunderwear9bj.jpg

LOL!!!  OMG!!!  that is totally gross!!!  and he did it for nothing cause it didn't work...HAHAHAHAH :D

[Mary]

that is to funny trini  ;D

[Mary]

this is one of the best in the forum always can come here for a great laugh thanks  ;D

[CindyLouWho]

THE DIVORCE LAWYER

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

[CindyLouWho]

OSAMA'S VALENTINE

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.

"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."

[CindyLouWho]

What did the girl light bulb say to the boy light bulb?
       I wuv you watts and watts!

What did the boy centipede say to the girl centipede?
You have a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs...

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
   "I find you very attractive."

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
      "I'm sweet on you!"

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
      She didn't suit his taste!

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
      Hogs & Kisses.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? 
Sure, they're very scent-imental! 

What did one pickle say to the other? 
"You mean a great dill to me." 

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? 
"I love you a ton!" 

What did the bat say to his girlfriend? 
"You're fun to hang around with." 

What did the pencil say to the paper? 
"I dot my i's on you!" 

What did the valentine card say to the stamp? 
Stick with me and we'll go places!

[babygurl424]

very cute jokes cindy :)

[CindyLouWho]

tyvm!   :)

[butch1286]

THE DIVORCE LAWYER

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

ol
shows how smart I am took me 5 min of rereading to get that  ;D

[zzigzzag]

lottsa laffs, thanks guys! O0

[CindyLouWho]

THE DIVORCE LAWYER

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

ol
shows how smart I am took me 5 min of rereading to get that  ;D

now we know why there's so many divorces,  lol   :)

[Jinx55]

Thanks for the Chuckles Cindy  O0

[SaintHiρρo]

Don't know if this one has been posted but just got it in my mailbox

A Guy walks into a bar ...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says... real slowly... "Soooo............... ya gonnna vote forr Bush againnn??