Homer's Laugh House

[Mary]

 :)) :))  :))  :))  :))  :)) thats was great thanks O0

[Mary]

omg  :))  :))  :))  :))  :))  :)) thanks for these i`ll be laughin all day  :)

[Monkey]

Omg!  :))  :))  :)) Every single one of these has been hysterical!

[Mary]

  :))  :))  :))  :))  :))  :)) i can`t take it your to much brandon  :))  :))  :))  :))

[Brandon493]

Top 10 Reasons to Work Naked

10. No one ever steals your chair.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

and (drum roll please) the number one Reason to Go To Work Naked:

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

[Mary]

all i can say is  :))  :))  :))  :))  :))  :)) thanks  O0  <3 

[Mary]

brandon you are makin my day  :))  :))  :))  :))  :))  :)) think i`m gonna pee my undies  ::)  :))  :))  :)) thanks  O0

[Brandon493]

A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Hey, Honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge! I bet it is as big as the gas grill now."

The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt. "Yep." he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size." The wife got very upset and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband for the rest of the day.

That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife, and said, "How about it honey? How about a little lovemaking?" The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. "What's the matter?" he asked. To which she replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"

Well, she told him!

[Brandon493]

19 Fun Things to Do In The Public Bathroom   
   
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

[Monkey]

19 Fun Things to Do In The Public Bathroom

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

I've heard those ones at least 10 times and I still laugh every time.  :D

[Brandon493]

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling):

I think a good portion of these came from student's as well...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had ---diahre--- ---dyrea--- ---direathe--- the shits.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

[SaintHiρρo]

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

See what happens when you don't listen to your parents? Just like your father said, he bought you into this world and he can take you out!

[Brandon493]

Two Texans were seated at the end of a bar when a gorgeous young lady sits down at the other end and orders a martini. Stunned by her beauty,the two guys stare at her for awhile, debating whether to approach her, when all of a sudden, she begins to cough, clutching her throat, and begin to turn blue. (obviously in serious respiratory distress)

One said to the other, "That gal is having a bad time!" The other agreed and said, "Do you think we should go help?" "You bet!" said the first, and with that he ran over and said, "Can you speak?" She shook her head no. He then asked, "Can you breath?" She again shook her head no. With that, he pulled up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. She was so shocked by the act, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with embarrassed relief. At which point, the first Texan looked at his friend and exclaimed, I guess that hind lick maneuver really does work!"

[thetoe]

 :)) :)) :))  These are too good Brandon.

[pogohatesme]

Wow Brandon.....some of those I just don't know about lolol :)) :)) :))  I think you've posted more today than I've seen ya post before lol

[Brandon493]

Wow Brandon.....some of those I just don't know about lolol :)) :)) :)) I think you've posted more today than I've seen ya post before lol

Yeah lol :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Monkey]

 :))  :))

[nightperson]

 :o :o :)) :))

[Mary]

this thread is to funny thanks i could stay in here all day  :))  :))  :))

[Sweet_Karamel]

WoW! That was good.  :))  :))  :))  :))  :))