Homer's Laugh House

[foxx]

Okay...now here's my Hickler moment for the day...how in the hell do I make this my screensaver?

Foxx, wouldn't it be even better if you could interchange him with Kellie? You'd be tossing her all over the place!!!  :))

nah.  I hate him way more. 

[Helen]

Okay...now here's my Hickler moment for the day...how in the hell do I make this my screensaver?

Foxx, wouldn't it be even better if you could interchange him with Kellie? You'd be tossing her all over the place!!!  :))

nah.  I hate him way more. 

Well, at least on Idol nights!! You know you'd like it!!  :))

[holly222]

Both mine and my hubbys parents keep having to take in there grandchildren because of "not so good parents"..
I think Im gonna send him this sign.......LOL

[Helen]

Football clipper


A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I
can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?
Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my backyard backs up to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: '$20 or off it comes!'"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way,
what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."

[nightperson]

omg that was to funny i was taking him throught the littlest holes and squeeing him throught and talk bout limber wow :)) :))

[hades]

lmao  :))

[Tara]

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how beautiful, sweet and innocent his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked "They're mating," her father replied "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "Why, that's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear, the both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment.........then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that gay chit in our garden."

[Helen]

Good one Tara.  :))  Out of the mouths of babes!!!!

[hades]

 ::) ::) ::)

[foxtrot]

if anyone wants my kids, they can have them

[SouthPadreIsland]

Too funny - I have one and sheesh that's enough.  He's all boy!  Little *&%^*&%^ mutant!  LOL

[Shady Lady]

I wonder if that would work for mine?

Buy one 23 yr old ... sleeps late, plays hours on the computer, bums cigerettes
Get 19 and 18 yr old ... argues all the time, slams doors, forgets to put lid down

Any takers?  :))

[Bree]

I wonder if that would work for mine?

Buy one 23 yr old ... sleeps late, plays hours on the computer, bums cigarettes
Get 19 and 18 yr old ... argues all the time, slams doors, forgets to put lid down

Any takers?  :))

Shady I could not stop laughing at your reply, and I would take your boys, but I am only 22 yr old and one of your sons would be older then me........ :))

[nanners]

MARRIAGE:

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... So Shut Up!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send junk

[SaintHiρρo]

MARRIAGE:

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... So Shut Up!!

Seems like these are the only real important ones from your joke!  O0

[nanners]

I just post'em. Don't mean I have to agree with any of them  :))

[Tara]

I just post'em. Don't mean I have to agree with any of them  :))

There all important. I love them. I am going to make a poster out of them and hang it in my Living Room ..so there  :P

Thank you Nanners..there great  :))

[Helen]

I just post'em. Don't mean I have to agree with any of them  :))

Nan, thanks for posting those. I found them funny. Glad to see you're doing better and getting to spend a little more time on the computer.  :D

[bubblegum]

I read the redneck jokes, thought they were funny....well here's one for ya

[Tara]

I read the redneck jokes, thought they were funny....well here's one for ya

OMG...Thats cute.. :)) :))