Homer's Laugh House

[krispy]

THE TEST

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally went around braless.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and was headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family"

And the moral of this story is:










Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Helen]

OMG Krispy, that is just too funny!!  :)) :))

[jasper]

 :))  :D that is sooo funny  :))

[Helen]

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and
asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
                       
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30
years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new
clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
                       
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband
in a very drunken state.   During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
                       
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
                       
She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him
for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her
savings and investments.  Faced with evidence of cash and investments
worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely
speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,  "If I'd had any idea what you  were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

[wattsmyname]

That was too funny Helen :)) :)) :))

[Helen]

That was too funny Helen :)) :)) :))

Thanks....glad you enjoyed it!!  :))

[hades]

lol nice  :))

[Luna]

 :)) nice one

[butch1286]

I read the redneck jokes, thought they were funny....well here's one for ya

That is really inventive!!! Funny too.... :))  :))

my house !  lol

[nanners]

Just think,,whe you get hungry you can go out and gnaw on a porch railing  :))

[hades]

nice house...just dont eat the walls in the winter  :P

[butch1286]

its tasty!  and if the house starts on fire all we need is chocholate for  smores!  yumm

[Tara]

Just think,,whe you get hungry you can go out and gnaw on a porch railing  :))

Nanners your avatar is scaring me...lol

[Jonathan]

Just think,,whe you get hungry you can go out and gnaw on a porch railing  :))

Nanners your avatar is scaring me...lol

what is that thing lol Tosses tara a peanut

[Tara]

Just think,,whe you get hungry you can go out and gnaw on a porch railing  :))

Nanners your avatar is scaring me...lol

what is that thing lol Tosses tara a peanut

You can't toss me peanuts...I have a peanut tosser  :P

[Helen]

its tasty!  and if the house starts on fire all we need is chocholate for  smores!  yumm

I vote for the smores!!!  :D

[Homer]

Just think,,whe you get hungry you can go out and gnaw on a porch railing  :))

Nanners your avatar is scaring me...lol

what is that thing lol Tosses tara a peanut

You can't toss me peanuts...I have a peanut tosser  :P

Yeah....beat it! lol j/k

[krispy]

Taking a Centipede to Church

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (a 100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend.

He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"

A little voice came out of the box... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

[Helen]

Hahaha, that was a good one!!  :))

[wattsmyname]

lol :)) :))