Homer's Laugh House

[krispy]

A picture is worth a thousand words........

[Helen]

A picture is worth a thousand words........

Yeah....and most of them are unprintable!!! That pic is so true.  >:D

[Tara]

what is that thing lol Tosses tara a peanut

You can't toss me peanuts...I have a peanut tosser  :P
[/quote]

Yeah....beat it! lol j/k
[/quote]

[krispy]

 :)

[krispy]

 :)

[krispy]

 :)

[Tara]

PLEASE DO YOUR BIT

Today is National Mental Health Day.

You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person.



(sent email to ex husband)
Well, my job's done!

If you give me your email..I will email you then   :)) :))

[krispy]

 :)) :)) :))

if onlyyyyyyyyyyyyy you knew............

[Tara]

:)) :)) :))

if onlyyyyyyyyyyyyy you knew............

Uhhhh I'm not unstable... :'(

[krispy]

:)) :)) :))

if onlyyyyyyyyyyyyy you knew............

Uhhhh I'm not unstable... :'(

the leg on my table is a tad short, so i guess that means i am unstable.

[Helen]

WOW!

The question is, What does a 320 pound woman look like?

Now, before you look at her pictures, get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like....

Got it?









Ready?

Not what you were expecting, was it??!!

The tallest and biggest woman in the world lives in Holland.

She is 7'4" and weighs 320

What a relief! Now we ALL know we aren't overweight,
just too short!

Just too short, huh??  :)) :)) :))

[krispy]

in my virtual mind i am never too short, lol

[Helen]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.


"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.


Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.


The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.


Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.


She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."


She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"


(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
 


(a ****iece)
(wait for it)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...











"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
 


(You're singing it, aren't you?  Yeah, I know you are........)


Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!


Have a lovely day!

Again, another good one.   O0

[Helen]

Martha vs. Maxine

Martha's way:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine's way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

Martha's way:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine's way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine's way:
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way:
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Maxine's way:
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

Martha's way:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine's way:
Celery?    Never heard of it!

Martha's way:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine's way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Martha's way:
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine's way:
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

Martha's way:
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Maxine's way:
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha's way:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine's way:
Leftover wine???????????  HELLO !!!!!!!

[krispy]

lol i was just gonna post that.

[Helen]

lol i was just gonna post that.

Oops, sorry!!  :)) :))

[Jackpotloser]

WoW Amazing :o

[Helen]

WoW Amazing :o

Yes it is.....I don't think I've EVER seen a woman that tall.  :o

[krispy]

WoW Amazing :o

Yes it is.....I don't think I've EVER seen a woman that tall.  :o

i dont think they were specifically referring to tall, lmao  :))

[~Ãutolovér~]

 Ok this is really cool , ;D Hope nobody gets offended.  ::) :P :oo




          http://www.dr-joe.net/quiz.html