Homer's Laugh House

[tigereyes]

                                           Doctor's Advice for Husband's Survival



My wife, Marilyn accompanied me to the doctor's office for my annual physical.

After the physical, and while I was getting dressed the doctor called Marilyn into his office alone.
He told Marilyn, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible
stress. If you do not follow my advice your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal and put it on a TV tray in front of his lounging chair.
For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him and let him eat it where he chooses.
Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.
Don't discuss your problems with him because it will only make his stress worse.
Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him several backrubs.
Encourage him to watch sporting events on television.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim."

"If you can do this for the next year, I think your husband will begin to regain his health."

On the way home, I asked Marilyn what the doctor told her.
She said "You're going to die."

[SaintHiρρo]

                                           Doctor's Advice for Husband's Survival



My wife, Marilyn accompanied me to the doctor's office for my annual physical.

After the physical, and while I was getting dressed the doctor called Marilyn into his office alone.
He told Marilyn, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible
stress. If you do not follow my advice your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal and put it on a TV tray in front of his lounging chair.
For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him and let him eat it where he chooses.
Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.
Don't discuss your problems with him because it will only make his stress worse.
Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him several backrubs.
Encourage him to watch sporting events on television.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim."

"If you can do this for the next year, I think your husband will begin to regain his health."

On the way home, I asked Marilyn what the doctor told her.
She said "You're going to die."

ROFL, I can bet many other women would say the same thing if the doc told them this was the only possible cure.

[tigereyes]

                                         Rest In Peace - While You Can
                                         Sentimental widow planning for long-term revenge...

Version One:
A sentimental widow put up a lovely marble stone for her late husband.
Its wording read:  REST IN PEACE - UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN


Version Two:
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed over to the Memorial Home to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone.

"Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest In Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now."

"Very well," she said grimly. "Just add 'Until We Meet Again.'"

[nanners]

This is cute...try it.

http://www.sexgage.com 

[Shady Lady]

I right on the line between 8 & 9. So I get to pick ... I'm going to go with Steamy  :))  <3  :))

This is cute...try it.

http://www.sexgage.com 

[nanners]

I was steamy to..not bad for an old broad huh??? :)) :))

[Shady Lady]

Guess we're like a fine wine. Get better with age.

[nanners]

but of course! lmao

[triniqueen27]

                                priorities

A man had two great tickets for the FIFA World Cup final.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in
the seat next to him.

"No",  he says, "The seat is empty".

"This  is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have
a seat like  this for the  World Cup final, the biggest sporting event
In the year, and not use it?"

He  says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we
haven't been together since we got married".

"Oh  . I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't
find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the
seat?"


The man shakes his head...


"No. They're all at the funeral

[triniqueen27]

                               who should be in charge


All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
>  trying to decide who was the one in charge.
>
>"I should be in charge," said the brain ,
>"Because I run all the body's systems,
>  so without me nothing would happen."

>"I should be in charge," said the blood ,
>"Because I circulate oxygen all over
>so without me you'd all waste away."
>
>"I should be in charge," said the stomach,"
>  Because I process food and give
>all of you energy."
>
>"I should be in charge," said the legs,
>"because I carry the body wherever
>  it needs to go."
>
>"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
>"Because I allow the body to see
>  where it goes."
>
>"I should be in charge," said the! rectum,
>  "Because I'm responsible for
>waste removal."
>
>All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
>  And insulted him, so in a huff,
>he shut down tight.
>
>Within a few days,
>the brain had a terrible headache,
>
>the stomach was bloated,
>  the legs got wobbly,
>the eyes got watery,
>  and the blood Was toxic.
>They all decided that the
>rectum should be the boss.
>
>The Moral of the story?
>
>
>The A-hole is usually in charge !!
>

[krispy]

here is a site for visual puns.

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=7550&display=photoshop#entries

there is even an assaulted peanut in there  :))

this is pretty funny s*uff

[SaintHiρρo]

I love that site. That's where I got my "Oops" picture, the bird droppings, Homer & Illegal Photoshop picture I've posted here recently. That's such an awesome site.

[krispy]

I love that site. That's where I got my "Oops" picture, the bird droppings, Homer & Illegal Photoshop picture I've posted here recently. That's such an awesome site.

i have been with that site a long time. they have some excellent material.  O0

[triniqueen27]

got this in my mail today                                     


                                      NEW VIRUS

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by
hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If
you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else
via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should
come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good
friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as
Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should share this warning with 5 friends. If you do not have 5
friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but
may require a more generous application.

[krispy]

got this in my mail today                                     


                                      NEW VIRUS

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by
hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If
you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else
via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should
come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good
friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as
Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should share this warning with 5 friends. If you do not have 5
friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but
may require a more generous application.

i have the mutated version of that virus

the "I Used to Have a Life" virus.

[Ashley]

A Cardiologist Died

A Cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart

covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following

the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then

closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that Point,

one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at Him,

he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral . .

I'm a Gynecologist."

The Proctologist fainted.

[NeilsHunny]

I never heard that one before, ;)

So, Jesus walks into an Inn... hands the Keeper 3 nails.. and say's "can you put me up for the night?" >:D

[hades]

nice joke  :)

[krispy]

[Tara]

I think after we get Miss 100 Personalities all settled in the nut house , we should see about getting Bubbles and Krispy locked up in a room with all their signs and stickers..Sheesh it would take them a year to get them all posted . Sometimes I feel like were on a crowded freeway with billboards all in our faces   :)) :))