Homer's Laugh House

[justahumping]

An Alabama farmer got in his pickup, drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 9 opened the door.

"Is yer dad home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

Well said the farmer, "is yer mama here?"

"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into  town with dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"He went with mom and dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows  where all the tools are, if you want to borry
one. Or maybe I could take a  message fer dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer dad.  It's about your brother  Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to dad about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that dad charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."    :))

[xx_mandy_xx]

hahah  :))

[Homer]

Two bananas are laying on the beach when a turd comes floating by and says, "Come on in, the waters great!" One banana turns to the other and says, "You believe that shit?"  :ooo

:))) :))) :))) :/\ :/\ :/\

[foxx]

Two bananas are laying on the beach when a turd comes floating by and says, "Come on in, the waters great!" One banana turns to the other and says, "You believe that smelly stuff?"  :ooo

:))) :))) :))) :/\ :/\ :/\

Hee! 

(and hee! at how the censor turns chit into smelly stuff!)

[justahumping]

TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED... (for the ladies that is  :)))   )

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your azz in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

[foxx]

 :))

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

HEE!

[justahumping]

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.


NOW, if that is what you really want..........



GET A REAL LIFE AND GET OFF POGO  :))

[crazy_]

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.


NOW, if that is what you really want..........



GET A REAL LIFE AND GET OFF POGO  :))

:))  :))

[crazy_]

THIS KIND OF STUFF HAS GOT TO STOP IN OUR COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away..  Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.  They speak in whispers all the time!  If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face!  What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am.  I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection.........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!  You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.  Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial?  HA!  I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

[justahumping]

getting old hu?  :)))

[xx_mandy_xx]

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.


NOW, if that is what you really want..........



GET A REAL LIFE AND GET OFF POGO  :))

:))

[nightperson]

You got lotsa jokes justa!

I have some friends that sends them to me.Some of them , *IF* I posted them on here, Homer would come and kick my azz. lol. So I have to watch some of them. and the ones aobut making fun of men,,, WELL...... sometimes I will post them and sometimes I wont. I can have to many men jokes out there for you ladies to use against me. lol

we would never do that cause we lvu you  :-*

[hades]

lol. nice.  :)

[justahumping]

A Hawaiian woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which
place had the toughest trees.

The Hawaiian woodpecker said Hawaii had a
tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his
challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The
Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a
tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiian woodpecker
expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After
flying to California , the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree
with no problem.

The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the California
woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker
was able to peck the California tree, but neither one was able to peck the
tree in their own state?

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
.
.
.
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
.
.
Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.   :))

[justahumping]

There have been many, many times when I may have
disturbed you
troubled you
pestered you
irritated you
bugged you
But today I just wanna tell you ...













I PLAN TO CONTINUE !!!!!!!

[justahumping]

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says,


"Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"


The drunk looks back and says,
"Yes, preacher, I sure am." 


The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right backup. 

"Have you found Jesus?"
the preacher asks.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says,

"Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, reverend."

The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone,

"My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher,

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

[xx_mandy_xx]

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says,


"Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"


The drunk looks back and says,
"Yes, preacher, I sure am." 


The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right backup. 

"Have you found Jesus?"
the preacher asks.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says,

"Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, reverend."

The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone,

"My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher,

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

ahaha...it must be late...i had to read it 3 times to get that one...either that or the blondeness is seeping through.. :)))

[pogolver2000]

i still dont get it                  after 5 trys i gave up

[justahumping]

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
     One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.  One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.  Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
     He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.  Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."  When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
     Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.  At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."


They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

[xx_mandy_xx]

 One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands.

The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.

The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying.

Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.

When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.

"Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"

The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!"