Homer's Laugh House

[Homer]

Thought I'd post a joke for the hell of it. >:D


A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.

"Too much trouble," came the reply.

[Super Duckie]

hehe........

[Super Duckie]

heres one for ya Homer, you probally seen this before

                                                 *The Poopie List*

GHOST POOPIE:  The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE:  The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE:  This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE:  The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE:  The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE:  It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE:  The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE:  Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE:  The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE:  That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump):  The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE:  This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it.  You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE:  You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

[Homer]

Yes, seen many variations of this. Nothing like a little potty humor.

Ever hear of prairie dogging it? ???

[Dream Faerie]

Yes, seen many variations of this. Nothing like a little potty humor.

Ever hear of prairie dogging it? ???

I thought I Heard it all, but I guess not.. What is Prairie Doggin' it?

[Super Duckie]

maybe we better not find out ;)

[Homer]

What's a prairie dog do? Pokes his head out the hole. :o

For those times when you find yourself unexpectedly running to the bathroom. LOL ;D

[Super Duckie]

I never heard that one before, ;)

[Dream Faerie]

What's a prairie dog do? Pokes his head out the hole. :o

For those times when you find yourself unexpectedly running to the bathroom. LOL ;D

OMG! LMAO I just spit my water out at the monitor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Homer]

Actually I stole it from one of those National Lampoon movies. Forget which one. ???

[Homer]

OMG! LMAO I just spit my water out at the monitor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you didn't short out your monitor. O0

[Dream Faerie]

OMG! LMAO I just spit my water out at the monitor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you didn't short out your monitor. O0

I go through so many monitors that way :-\

[Homer]

Good thing their down to about $75 for a 17 incher. :)

[Dream Faerie]

Good thing their down to about $75 for a 17 incher. :)

;D

[Super Duckie]

How about

CROP DUSTER POOPIE
Occurs when walking through a room filled with people and begins with long stream of gas and small poopie pellets.

NUT POOPIE
One of the - if not THE most painful poopie in the whole history of poopi-ing occurs when one has too much fiber and/or does not chew food finely enough.

UPPER-CLASS POOPIE
A very uncommon poopie that occurs after eating healthy foods and lots of nice water. It doesn't stink! WTF is that? A poopie that doesn't stink! Well, it should be in the protected ass group due to its near extinction and rare occurrences.

MEXICAN POOPIUS
A party poopie! This poopie explodes like a piñata and burns burns burns. It then continues to dribble and gurgle farts. It emits a vague picante aroma. A stimulating albeit mushy experience indeed!

SHOTGUN POOPIE
A poopie that is thought to be a fart while on the toilet, but it explodes violently with a loud gunlike fart and at least 12 poopie pellets shoot out. Anything in the toilet is brutally mauled.

DEAD DROP POOPIE
The biggest poopies of them all! A poopie so huge, so enormously deadly, it takes at least a dozen flushes, some jabbing, and praying to get it down. Referred to as the big brother of the Lincoln Log Poopie.

LITTLE NOISY POOPIE
A poopie that is the noisiest poopie in the entire history, bigger than the gassy poopie! Occurs after heavy drinking and bean eating.  The only time these are expelled is when a violent FART takes place. This poopie usually lasts up to 5 hours!

[TyLey]

Thanks for the laughs ;D

[Super Duckie]

your very welcome

[Homer]

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"

"Yes granddaughter, it's me."

"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.

"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."

The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"

"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."

The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."

"Anything, my child."

"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"

[huh]

Actually I stole it from one of those National Lampoon movies. Forget which one. ???

i know that from Rat Race.

[Super Duckie]

Baked beans and their delightful tune 

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions.
On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.