Doggie Humor

[bubblegum]

If you asked a dog to change a light bulb
 
Afghan:
Light bulb? What light bulb?

Australian Shepherd
Put all the bulbs in a little circle ...

Beagle:
Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?

Border Collie:
Just one? And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Chihuahua
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Dachshund:
I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Greyhound
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Hound Dog
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Irish Wolfhound
Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.

Labrador:
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!!! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Mastiff:
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Malamute:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Pointer
I see it! There it is! Right there!

Rottweiller:
Make me!

Shitzu:
Puh-leeez, dahling. I have servants for that kind of thing.

Toy Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

THINGS DOGS MUST REMEMBER

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy or Daddy is standing on a slippery grass slope.

[Helen]

Thanks for sharing!!

[foxx]

 :))   That's awesome bubblegum...I have a mutt who is part lab...and I must say, that would be her exact response...

Labrador:
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!!! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

[SI]

 :)) that was funny.  One of my friends has a lab, another has a greyhound, and both of those fit the bill!  Here's a little more pet humor for ya:

Dog Diary vs. Cat Diary

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180
  8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
  9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
  9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
  1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
  4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
  5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
  5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
  8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
  9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
  9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
  1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
  4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
  5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
  5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
  8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
  9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
  9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
  1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
  1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
  4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
  5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
  5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

[bubblegum]

 :))

[foxx]

 :))   The cat writing that reminds me of Stewie...(of Family Guy...)

[PogoKaz]

Yeh hey I love dogs, train guide dogs and this is so spot on but blumming funny  :)) :))

[Lynne]

that is too cute, very very true...my dog is just like that... i swear she is more of a person and understands more than some of the ppl i work with.... :o :)) :))

[pogo_gamer]

 :)) :)) :))

[kandykitty20012]

 :)))