Tips From RedNeck Manners Book

[BoJangles]

:))

    ***GENERAL***

  1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
  2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
  3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
  4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
  5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.


  ***DINING OUT ***

  1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
  2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.


  ***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***

  1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
  2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.


  ***PERSONAL HYGIENE ***

  1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
  2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days; however, if you live alone, deodorant is just a waste of money.
  3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
      finger foods.


  ***DATING (Outside the Family) ***

  1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
  2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to
      go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
  3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say
     "Monday". If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
  4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as,"ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."


  ***WEDDINGS ***

  1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
  2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
  3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
  4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
  5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.


  ***DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***

  1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
  2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
  3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
  4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
  5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
  6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


  ***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER***

  1. All the DNA is the same.
  2. There are no dental records.
:))

[Tara]

:))

   4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
 

I like this one the best  O0

[Libra]

:))

   4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
 

I like this one the best  O0

I've actually used a variation of #3 to tow something.   :))

[Tara]

I've actually used a variation of #3 to tow something.   :))

omg...you are bad  >:D

[Libra]

I've actually used a variation of #3 to tow something.   :))

omg...you are bad  >:D

Nooooo!  Foxx is the  >:D one.. I'm the angel!  :))

Speaking of Foxx, where'd she run off too?  Prolly off gettin' liquor'd up to put up with our azzes through our Pickle worship session beginning at 8:00.  :))

Libra
PS.  Foxx, woman, you know I love you right?  RIGHT??!!  :-*

[ClingFree]

Yanno .. we all tell redneck jokes. And I couldnt stop laughing as I drove the girls to school today - We have to drive past the high school, and I am dead serious here - There was one parking lot completely filled with tractors. And I mean completely, Parked just like cars. Luckily .. I found out it was FFA (Future Farmers of America) Day ... But theres just something about seeing tractors parked in the parking lot that just makes ya gigglesnort.

[Tara]

Yanno .. we all tell redneck jokes. And I couldnt stop laughing as I drove the girls to school today - We have to drive past the high school, and I am dead serious here - There was one parking lot completely filled with tractors. And I mean completely, Parked just like cars. Luckily .. I found out it was FFA (Future Farmers of America) Day ... But theres just something about seeing tractors parked in the parking lot that just makes ya gigglesnort.

Do you live by me?  :))  We have lots of tractors here and rednecks to  :))

[ClingFree]

Do you live by me?  :))  We have lots of tractors here and rednecks to  :))

Lmao .. Farming is a pretty big deal around here .. Ever heard of Gerber baby food? Its the only reason theres a town here- and so much of it is locally grown... but anywaysssss .. Tractors .. Rednecks .... no wonder we're single!!  O0

[harley89]

I live in red neck central. Gotta love em. But true story here. My brother in law was married at our home, on the back porch. Just as the minister pronounced them man and wife the rooster jumped up on the railing and started crowing.  We all had a long laugh :)) :)) :)) :)) They were divorced a year later. Moral of the story. Be sure to have chicken at the reception :)) :)) :))

[ClingFree]

I live in red neck central. Gotta love em. But true story here. My brother in law was married at our home, on the back porch. Just as the minister pronounced them man and wife the rooster jumped up on the railing and started crowing.  We all had a long laugh :)) :)) :)) :)) They were divorced a year later. Moral of the story. Be sure to have chicken at the reception :)) :)) :))

:))   O0 Great advice

[nightperson]

 O0 that is a good one read and learn i would say :)) :))

[Tara]

I live in red neck central. Gotta love em. But true story here. My brother in law was married at our home, on the back porch. Just as the minister pronounced them man and wife the rooster jumped up on the railing and started crowing.  We all had a long laugh :)) :)) :)) :)) They were divorced a year later. Moral of the story. Be sure to have chicken at the reception :)) :)) :))

Thats funny....I don't think I live in that much of a redneck environment after all... :))

[hades]

redneck central is mississippi and alabama  >:D

[nightperson]

im in the Indiana/ky part and there is some here big time

[Tara]

redneck central is mississippi and alabama  >:D

I  am North of that , so would that make me Northern Redneck Country? lol

[nightperson]

hmmmm dont know on that let me look in the redneck book for that mmmmmmmm dadadadadadadadadadada lalalalalalalalalalalalal
nope dont see that in there must be in the redneck area 

[ClingFree]

I didnt know where else to share this ... cuz uhh well Id hate to hijack yet ANOTHER topic =\  But anyways .. redneck fit .. so they found a body in the next county .. the body was wrapped in plastic, hands and legs bound, and taped with duct tape .. and theyre "Guessing" it was a homicide.

[missminimouse]

I didnt know where else to share this ... cuz uhh well Id hate to hijack yet ANOTHER topic =\  But anyways .. redneck fit .. so they found a body in the next county .. the body was wrapped in plastic, hands and legs bound, and taped with duct tape .. and theyre "Guessing" it was a homicide.

Hmmm,   so they still haven't ruled out suicide or accidental death?

[nightperson]

that is so sad

[ClingFree]

that is so sad

It is very sad ... But umm my point was not to bum people out .. They are "Guessing" its a homicide ... Given the circumstances it couldnt be anything else .. It was their wording I was making a point of .. Sorry if I depressed anyone   :-\