Words of Wisdom

[SI]

Words of Wisdom

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
8. My reality check bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10. I don't suffer from stress, but I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
12. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
13. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
14. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
15. Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
16. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
17. Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
18. When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
19. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damned fool about it.
20. Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous'.
21. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
22. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
23. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
24. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
25. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
26. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
27. Following the rules will not get the job done.
28. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
29. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
30. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

*Side note* just realized that t_o_a_d is also on the banned list :))

[pogo_gamer]

Aint it da truth

[kandykitty20012]

true true :ooo