jokes

[hades]

 ::)

[lovebug44]

 drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.

The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally the drunk replies, "No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper." ;D ;D ;D

[Helen]

  :D   :D    :D

[zzigzzag]

LOL ty for sharing

[Jonathan]

wow, funny and sacrilegious as well lol

[ZedPaul]

lmao!

[pogolver2000]

 :))

[Runner]

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No, I wouldn't," he said.

She said, "I sell tampons."

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

:)) :)) :)) :))

now that is funny



:pp

[hades]

lmao.  :))

[kgansor]

 :)) lol

[Julez]

Why do Episcopalians have trouble playing chess?









































They can't tell the difference between their bishops and their queens.  Badum bum!

[damian666]

 :-\  :)))

[damian666]

 Two elderly women were out driving in a large car both could barely
see 
  over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an         
  intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The 
  woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.
I   
  could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more     
  minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
again. 
  Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was     
  almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that   
  she was losing it. She was getting nervous . At the next
intersection,   
  sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she
turned 
  to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran     
  through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"       
  Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"                   
                                                       

[damian666]

 Three Strings Walk Into a Bar   

     There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn''t get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don''t serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.
''I''ve been here before and gotten a drink, I''ll go get us something to drink,'''' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers.

The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.''' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.

The thrid string says '''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers.

The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a string?''

"Frayed knot,''he replies.

[hades]

lol.  ;D

[damian666]

Those 2 were lame jokes. Just trying to get to 250  :)))

[kgansor]

Those 2 were lame jokes. Just trying to get to 250  :)))

sooo close

[damian666]

1 more

[damian666]

 Every night  after  dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind
the center to sit and ponder  his accomplishments and long life.

One evening,  Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to
chat and before  they know it, several hours have passed. After a short
lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I
miss most of all?" She asks, "What?"

"Sex!!" he replies.

Mildred exclaims, "Why  you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!" 
 
"I know," Harold says, "but  it would be nice if a woman could just
hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes 
his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward,  they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and  talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. 
Alarmed,
Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked 
around
the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting  by the pool with
Ethel,
another female , who was  holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred
yelled, "You
two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't  have?" 




Old Harold  smiled happily and replied,  "Parkinson's!

[kgansor]

Every night  after  dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind
the center to sit and ponder  his accomplishments and long life.

One evening,  Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to
chat and before  they know it, several hours have passed. After a short
lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I
miss most of all?" She asks, "What?"

"Sex!!" he replies.

Mildred exclaims, "Why  you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!" 
 
"I know," Harold says, "but  it would be nice if a woman could just
hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes 
his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward,  they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and  talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. 
Alarmed,
Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked 
around
the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting  by the pool with
Ethel,
another female , who was  holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred
yelled, "You
two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't  have?" 




Old Harold  smiled happily and replied,  "Parkinson's!

:))

btw i like your new av there.. its cute.. but the new names too long lol