Little Johnny Jokes

[xx_mandy_xx]

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered:
"An apple."
"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.
"Is it a peach?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically.
The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.
"A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like the way your thinking!"

[nightperson]

very cute
do you every know that every joke just bout have the name johnny in it not every1 but alot of them poor johnny  :)))

[xx_mandy_xx]

very cute
do you every know that every joke just bout have the name johnny in it not every1 but alot of them poor johnny  :)))

ya man i gotta meet this johnny kid hes a real mess  :))

[nightperson]

very cute
do you every know that every joke just bout have the name johnny in it not every1 but alot of them poor johnny  :)))

ya man i gotta meet this johnny kid hes a real mess  :))

you do huh ok let me know when you do and ask him why is his name in alot of jokes and story books lol

[wattsmyname]

lol :)) :))

[nightperson]

lol :)) :))

i think that should get aleast 3 of them watts  :)))

[hades]

lol.  :)

[crazy_]

Little Johnny came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied Johnny. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 's'."

[justahumping]

 :))

[CindyLouWho]

gotta love that little Johnny, never know what he will say or do   :))

[hades]

lol.  :))

[wattsmyname]

lol :)) :))

i think that should get aleast 3 of them watts  :)))

Here you go  :)) :)) :))

[xx_mandy_xx]

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

[xx_mandy_xx]

Teacher asks the kids in spelling class to tell what their father does for a living, and spell it.

First kid says, "My daddy's a baker. That's b-a-k-e-r. He makes bread and lots of sweet goodies to eat."

Second kid says, "My daddy's a banker. That's b-a-n-k-e-r. He makes lots of money, buys us lots of toys."

Next kid says, "My daddy's an electrician. That's e-l-a-k...uh, e-l-e-x...uh...."

Teacher interrupts, saying, "That's okay, Rayford. Think about it and we'll come back to you." Turning to little Johnny, she says, "You're next, Johnny."

Johnny says, "My daddy's a bookie. That's b-o-o-k-i-e, and I'll lay you odds ten to one Rayford don't ever spell electrician."

[xx_mandy_xx]

Little Johnny comes home with a homework paper to do. He asks his dad to help him write about the difference between theory and reality.

His dad sez, "Go to your Mom and ask her if she would sleep with another man for a million dollars." Little Johnny does as he is told, and Mom sez, "Well, yes, I suppose I would."

His dad then sez, "Now go ask your big sister if she would sleep with another man for a million dollars." Little Johnny does this too, and Sis sez, "Yes, I suppose I would."

Little Johnny and his dad then sit down, and Dad sez, "Now son, you've learned the difference between theory and reality. In theory, we're sitting on two million dollars. In reality, we're living with a couple of whores."

[xx_mandy_xx]

One day little Johnny asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "At Christmas, you send a letter to Santa to ask for what you want, don't you?"

"Yes," replied Johnny, "but it isn't Christmas." His mother said, "yes, but you can send a letter to Jesus and ask him." Johnny sat down with a pen and paper and started his letter.

Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy and I would like a new bike.
Your Friend,
Johnny

He thought about this and decided to start a new letter.

Dear Jesus,
Sometimes I'm a good boy and I would like a new bike.

He thought about this and decided to write another letter.

Dear Jesus,
I thought about being a good boy and I would like a new bike.

He thought about this and decided that he didn't like that one iether. He left and went walking around depressed when he went by a house with a small statue of Mary in the front yard. He picked up the statue and hurried home. He put the statue under the bed and started his new letter.

Dear Jesus,
If you want to see your mother again, send me a new bike!
Your Friend,
Johnny

[xx_mandy_xx]

 Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her.

She started to guess what was inside. "Chocolates?" she asked.

"Nope."

"A Cake?"

Johnny shook his head No.

Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."

"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."

[xx_mandy_xx]

 Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

[xx_mandy_xx]

 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the ten commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat Little Johnny answered, "Thou shall not kill."

[xx_mandy_xx]

 Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

Little Johnny: Big hands!