Little Johnny Jokes

[crazy_]

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.  The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said.  "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny.  The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.  She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.  "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.  "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
     Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

[liebe_angel]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."   

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

[sierra]

The Sunday school teacher asked her class "when you die what do you think is the first part of you that goes to heaven?"

Little Suzy raises her hand..."I think it is our hands"
Teacher replies "why do you think that?"
Suzy "because we use our hands to pray so God takes them first"

The teacher is impressed...

Little Johnny raises his hand " I think it is our legs"
Teacher replies hesitantly "why do you think that?"
Johnny "I walked in on my mom and dad one day and her legs were in the air and he was on top of her and she was screaming OH GOD IM.....  and if dad wasnt on top of her she'd be a gonner for sure!"


<admin edit: sorry had to edit out a word>

[crazy_]

LMAO good ones !   :)) :))

[crazy_]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the effin difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"


*edited cuz I didn't like the other joke*

[crazy_]

Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out ... "Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex-education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!"

[hades]

lmao.  :))

[SaintHiρρo]

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Little Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."



Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Little Johnny: A Teacher



Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Little Johnny: I is...
Teacher: No, Johnny. Always say, "I am."
Little Johnny: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."




Teacher: Johnny, how does B®ee spell "crocodile"?
Little Johnny: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Little Johnny: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how B®ee spells it!

[crazy_]

 :)) :)) good ones !  lol

[~Ãutolovér~]

Hippo did a funny! :))

[liebe_angel]

good one :))

[flgal]

that was a good one :)) :))

[hades]

another great one.  ;D

[crazy_]

It was the first day of third grade in a new state and town for Little Johnny.  As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50.  Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20.  Little Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.  He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done.

His dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son."

The next day, in Language Class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet.  It's third grade, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school.

His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed." This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

[hades]

lmao.great.  :))

[liebe_angel]

 :)) good one :D

[crazy_]

One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.

Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.

She said,"Okay,I'll give you a hint.I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its azzhole!"

[zzigzzag]

lmao ...  who doesn't like Little Johnny jokes!!!  great ones, thnx for sharing!

[hades]

lol nice one.

[crazy_]

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Emily; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's David, he's a doctor.'"

Little Johnny, at the back of the room, rang out, "And there's the teacher... she's dead."