Little Johnny Jokes

[liebe_angel]

Little Johnny came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed."  little Johnny started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again the little Johnny started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.

Then the little Johnny came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bed." The little Johnny started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?"

The little Johnny replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

[hades]

lmaoo.  :))

[crazy_]

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Little Johnny replies,  "A teacher."

[hades]

lol.  :)

[TmT]

The Sunday school teacher asked her class "when you die what do you think is the first part of you that goes to heaven?"

Little Suzy raises her hand..."I think it is our hands"
Teacher replies "why do you think that?"
Suzy "because we use our hands to pray so God takes them first"

The teacher is impressed...

Little Johnny raises his hand " I think it is our legs"
Teacher replies hesitantly "why do you think that?"
Johnny "I walked in on my mom and dad one day and her legs were in the air and he was on top of her and she was screaming OH GOD IM.....  and if dad wasnt on top of her she'd be a gonner for sure!"


<admin edit: sorry had to edit out a word>

yeah... edit it..... but it sure didnt stop me from gettin the full picture here... lmfaoz

now... jus why do I like this joke so much... (hmmmmm)

[hades]

i wonder why...  :-X

[crazy_]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny? "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[crazy_]

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy (Lil Johnny) raised his hand.

In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says Lil Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

[hades]

lmao.  :))

[liebe_angel]

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one.

"George , if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the rest room," she asked.

"Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said.

The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Bobby , how would you say it?"

"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table."

"And you Johnny , are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners."

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted

[hades]

lol.  :)

[crazy_]

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.  Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.

"Great," Little Johnny replied.

"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.

"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

[crazy_]

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"

[hades]

lol.  :)

[pogolver2000]

that pur evil


and funny :)))

[crazy_]

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.

'Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?' he asked his mother.

'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said, 'I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without your long hair!'

[hades]

lol.  :)

[damian666]

lol  :)))

[wattsmyname]

love the Little Johnny Jokes

[Monkey]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"