Little Johnny Jokes

[hades]

lol.  :)

[crazy_]

Little Johnny needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it.  He prayed for two weeks and nothing turned up.  So he decided to write to God requesting the money.

When the postal worker seen the letter he decided to send it to the president.  The president was so impressed that he told his secretary to send the boy a check for $5.  He thought that would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

Little Johnny was delighted with the five dollars and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read as follows:

Dear God, thank you very much for sending me the money.  I noticed you had send it through Washington. As usual, those losers deducted $95.
:))

[hades]

lmao  :))

[foxx]

It was the first day of third grade in a new state and town for Little Johnny.  As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50.  Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20.  Little Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.  He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done.

His dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son."

The next day, in Language Class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet.  It's third grade, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school.

His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed." This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

BWAH!  Coffee?  Meet my monitor.

[crazy_]

During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents Little Johnny cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that he headed toward the door.

His father rose and followed close behind.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."

"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."

[hades]

lol.

[crazy_]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the effing difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!

[SaintHiρρo]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the effing difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!

Funny joke but you've already posted that one: http://www.pogocheats.net/forum/index.php/topic,25410.msg197930.html#msg197930

[Tara]

I thought it was funnier the second time.  :o

[crazy_]

scuse me .... try this one then

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor first putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

[SaintHiρρo]

scuse me .... try this one then

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor first putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

Ha ha ha, I like that one. That was a funny one. Very nice.

[hades]

lol nice.

[crazy_]

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"

Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."  8)

[hades]

lol.

[crazy_]

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this  makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, Little Johnny waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."  The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please  don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, Little Johnny is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. Little Johnny greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

[hades]

lmao.nice one.  :))

[fiz]

They are all very nice! :P

[hades]

must agree.

[crazy_]

Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old, but they know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa's father to ask for his blessing.

Johnny  bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Jones, me and Lisa are in love and I  want to ask you for your blessing."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Jones replies, "Well  Johnny, you're only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In  Lisa's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just cute, Mr. Jones says, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a  job. How will you afford food and rent?"

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "With our allowance.  Lisa gets 5 bucks  a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and  that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Jones is realizing that Johnny has put much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up  with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

He then says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you've got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.  What will you do if the two of you should kids of your own?"

Johnny shrugs his shoulders and says "We've been lucky so  far..."  :ooo   :))

[hades]

lmao.  ;D