Waxing Incident

[liebe_angel]

I snag this off of another site. But it's way to funny not to share sorry for being so long but, it's worth it

CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I
cried because...well never you mind why!!   

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises
Of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner,  play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the
waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my
demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm
and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it
be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough
to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000
degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin
around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling,
but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of
smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the
toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the
right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo*
and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a
long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is
swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do
I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to
revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up
the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE
WAX??? :))

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch.
I am touching wax. :))

CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part
of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot
is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put
my foot down.

DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*?
Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!!
Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I
can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used
to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of
the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants
to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I
give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the
box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the
wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your
girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress
counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally
see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the
excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of
my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL
THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Now thats funny ........ Notttttttttt :))

[Lynne]

Oh my goodness that is way to funny. I can totally see me doing something like that.  :))

[tigereyes]

Omg, that was funny! That's why I never wax... lmao. :))

[JenH2001]

 :)) I seriously can't stop laughing.

[pugsly™]

all i can say is holy crap

[hades]

lmao that is way to funny.  :))

[flgal]

too effing funning. Hubby is also cracking up :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :))

[Tara]

If this wasn't PG-13  I would tell ya'll (girls only) a story about this !! 

All I can say is never try this at home.  :'(

[flgal]

If this wasn't PG-13  I would tell ya'll (girls only) a story about this !! 

All I can say is never try this at home.  :'(

There is always privates! Sounds like we would love for you to share

[liebe_angel]

lol I know it's making my mind wonder  ???  but I'll take your word for it. lol

[justahumping]

If this wasn't PG-13  I would tell ya'll (girls only) a story about this !! 

All I can say is never try this at home.  :'(

O.M.G.  PLEASE, if it is 1/2 as funny as this one, I want to hear it....  That was just too funny

[hooangel]

that is so funny and it is easy to relate too.