Hall Of Shame

[Tara]

I just had another brainstorm for a new topic. I'm sure everyone screws up something every now and then. Yanno those embarrassing moments?

But do you have the guts to tell everyone about it?   :-\

Ok here's what just happened to me a little bit ago.  I was boiling eggs to make a salad. I went to do some work and I started smelling something, and didn't know what it was. I kinda ignored it and kept doing what I was doing. Well the smell got worse. I got up and started down the hallway. About that time the fire alarm goes off, and I still didn't
OMG!!  Have you ever burnt eggs by boiling them? I'm talking, no water in the pan, they are friggen black and cracked and they stink like chit. I almost burnt my hand on the handle trying to throw the pot in the sink. I'm sure the pot is ruined now. I can't believe I did that.

Moral of the story: I can't even boil eggs, and because I had to boil some more eggs...we won't be having meatloaf until I go shopping.

[~Ãutolovér~]

I just had another brainstorm for a new topic. I'm sure everyone screws up something every now and then. Yanno those embarrassing moments?

But do you have the guts to tell everyone about it?   :-\

Ok here's what just happened to me a little bit ago.  I was boiling eggs to make a salad. I went to do some work and I started smelling something, and didn't know what it was. I kinda ignored it and kept doing what I was doing. Well the smell got worse. I got up and started down the hallway. About that time the fire alarm goes off, and I still didn't
OMG!!  Have you ever burnt eggs by boiling them? I'm talking, no water in the pan, they are friggen black and cracked and they stink like chit. I almost burnt my hand on the handle trying to throw the pot in the sink. I'm sure the pot is ruined now. I can't believe I did that.

Moral of the story: I can't even boil eggs, and because I had to boil some more eggs...we won't be having meatloaf until I go shopping.

Ha! never thought it was possible....gotta love your honesty.  :-*

[Libra]

Jesus!  Where do I begin?  >:D

The time I tripped over the neighbors cat and fell in my pool?

My olympic tumble out of the bathroom running from a Palmetto bug, slamming myself into a wall?

The time I... Oh please, I could have this thread filled up in a day!  :))

[~Ãutolovér~]

I have a few that I can't mention  :-\ ...But! It wasn't my fault....it was the alcohol.  :-[ :ll

[Libra]

I have a few that I can't mention  :-\ ...But! It wasn't my fault....it was the alcohol.  :-[ :ll

Hell, I can only blame alcohol on about half of mine!  :))

[Tara]

I have a few that I can't mention  :-\ ...But! It wasn't my fault....it was the alcohol.  :-[ :ll

Stand up and take responsibility for your actions woman..lmao  Don't blame the alcohol.  :)))

[~Ãutolovér~]

I have a few that I can't mention  :-\ ...But! It wasn't my fault....it was the alcohol.  :-[ :ll

Hell, I can only blame alcohol on about half of mine!  :))

Lmaooo.... 

[~Ãutolovér~]

I have a few that I can't mention  :-\ ...But! It wasn't my fault....it was the alcohol.  :-[ :ll

Stand up and take responsibility for your actions woman..lmao  Don't blame the alcohol.  :)))

Oh nooooooo....I would never have done it sober...it was the alcohols fault,  >>:D I tell ya, I'm innocent.  0:

[justahumping]

I think I have you beat Tara.
    After my ex left I had to learn to cook or my son and I was going to go hungry. (I will add one thing tho, my son makes the best cakes that I have ever had!)....
    It was winter time and we both wanted a pot of beans (brown beans with ham). So how hard can that be? I mean anyone can pot on a pot of beans and get that right. I do own a slow cooker.  I called my aunt and asked her how to cook them just to make sure.  lol
    After letting them soak all night in water and baking soda I put the beans on to cook slow, in the slow cooker just like my aunt told me to. (With the new water, I am not that dumb). After a while, (don't ask) my son asked me if I smelled something? I got up and went into the kitchen and OMG.... Talking about a mess!... Have you ever seen bean chit all over the wall and floor? I mean it was every where, dang what a mess that was to clean up.... The beans was dry. Not a drop of water left... BUT.... I remember my mother use to save a pot of beans by just adding water, cooking a little longer then you still have your beans, right?  WRONG!      
    I added the new water in that pot of beans and started cooking them again. I checked just to make sure it was on slow cook and it was. We started airing out the house (I can not tell you just how bad that smell was) and went back to watching the movie.... Well guess what? The damn beans went dry again!....... This is the second time that I boiled all the water out of a pot of beans, (the same pot of beans).... (Yes, there was yet another mess to clean up. I had my son to throw the beans across the road and let the critters have them and the throw that slow cooker away because I did not think it could come clean.      
    Now for the fun part. You know those vultures that eats everything? They would not touch them. I was so pissed when my son called my attention to this. Those beans were still there three weeks latter. NOTHING would touch those beans. Needless to say, my son told me that he lost his taste for beans. To this day, I still have not tried to cook beans.    :))

[justahumping]

Jesus!  Where do I begin?  >:D

The time I tripped over the neighbors cat and fell in my pool?

My olympic tumble out of the bathroom running from a Palmetto bug, slamming myself into a wall?

The time I... Oh please, I could have this thread filled up in a day!  :))

Come on, You have my attention on that "My olympic tumble out of the bathroom running from a Palmetto bug" thing......

[Libra]

Jesus!  Where do I begin?  >:D

The time I tripped over the neighbors cat and fell in my pool?

My olympic tumble out of the bathroom running from a Palmetto bug, slamming myself into a wall?

The time I... Oh please, I could have this thread filled up in a day!  :))

Come on, You have my attention on that "My olympic tumble out of the bathroom running from a Palmetto bug" thing......

LMAO!  It was like, a page long rant in Jackerz.  I'll see if I can find it.   :))

[nanners]

Funny how this thread started today after what I did this morning..I was rinsing out a jelly jar to put in trash, the picked up the peanut butter jar and started to rinse it to........only there was STILL  peanut butter in it.. :)) Hubby looked at me and said..You ok??. Guess I wanted clean peanut butter!!!   :)))

[Tara]

Funny how this thread started today after what I did this morning..I was rinsing out a jelly jar to put in trash, the picked up the peanut butter jar and started to rinse it to........only there was STILL  peanut butter in it.. :)) Hubby looked at me and said..You ok??. Guess I wanted clean peanut butter!!!   :)))

LMAO!!  Nothing better than clean peanut butter huh?

[Libra]

This is the bug story rant:

Ok, here in Florida, we have these freaks of nature called, "Palmetto Bugs."  Let me just state for the record that I absolutely DESPISE these things.  They are the ugliest, nastiest, grossest freaks God ever put on this planet, and I'm tellin' ya, whatever day God created Palmetto Bugs on, well, let's just say it's my guess that she (he?) was having a particularly bad day.  Or, he (she?) thought it would be hysterically funny at some point....

Anyhoo, Odds on, if you live in South Florida, you have already encountered a Palmetto Bug or two. What are they? Simply stated, a Cockroach. But not your ordinary, run of the mill cockroach. No, they are nothing like the cute little creepy crawlies you see in Orkin commercials.

For one thing, Palmetto Bugs tend to be a bit larger than your average roach. I'm not kidding when I say that I have seen them grow to three inches or more. You may think cockroaches are gross, but the experience is much more vivid when all the gory details are magnified. As if that wasn't enough, Palmetto Bugs can fly! Yes, FLY! You have never been creeped out until you see a three inch roach fly up and land on the table next to you. And it gets worse, Palmetto Bugs aren't afraid of the light. You're just as likely to encounter one during the day as at night. The last little detail to distinguish the Palmetto Bug from your average cockroach is that they are armored. Step on one and you're lucky if you get its attention. You don't even get the pleasure of squishing one.  Besides, stepping or smashing one is simply not an option for me.. They go CAAARRRRRUUUUUUNNNCCCH!  ew.

Anyway, I get home from work and it's pee pee time <insert Tara's annoying little avatar here>  So, once I'm all zipped back up, I go to exit the bathroom and what do I see, RIGHT IN THE DOORWAY?  A Palmetto Bug.  The durn thing is AT LEAST a foot long (Ahh, I exaggerate, but it might as well have taken up the whole bathroom.)  Well.  I'm stuck.  I'm not MOVING.  I don't want the thing to take flight and land on me or near me or even as close as, say.... Pluto.  So, I call the dog.  Dog, comes in the bathroom all happy and waggly tailed, ignores the bug, walks right past it in fact, and joins me in the corner.  He's all happy and panting and wondering what game we're playing. I'm thinking of ways to crawl out the window.  I was hoping the dog would at least SNIFF at it or something to get it moving along so I could get out of the bathroom and get the raid.  But, NOOOOO!  I have to be the owner of the world's most ignorant dog.  I mean, this is the same dog that walked into the sliding glass door on a daily basis for three years before he finally realized "hey, I should probably step lightly when approaching this door to make sure it isn't closed so I don't smash my nose in so far it comes out the back of my azz."   :-[

Well, the bug MOVED!!  TOWARDS ME!!!!  Well, freak out mode kicked in, and with adrenaline pumping, I high jumped, triple lutzed and salchowed out of the bathroom, backflipped down the hall and ran a marathon through the living room and finally did a triple flip dismount about six houses down.  I scored a 9.5.  It would have been a perfect  10, but that snooty French judge just HAD to take points off for when I smashed into that wall. 

Anyway, I finally got my nerves calmed down, went back in the house, grabbed the raid and went hunting for the bug.  OK.... ew.  It wasn't there.  I was already having freakish nightmares about it crawling on me whilst sleeping.  I'm searching around, can of raid pointed straight out ahead of me, ready to spray anything that moved.  I heard it crawling around (double ew.) the books in the bookcases, so I sprayed.  And sprayed. Then sprayed some more. I switched hands and sprayed again. When I finished off that can, I got some hair spray (no, not Aquanet... I didn't want it permanently GLUED to one of my favorite books) and sprayed some of that for good measure.  Finally, with all the windows and doors opened to air out the toxic wastland that is my house, I am here. 

After these six Xanax I took kick in, I should be back to normal, or whatever version of normal that was me, pre-bug.

Sincerely,
Lib

[justahumping]

I have another one that has to do with my daughter.
    I heard my daughter screaming one morning. (she was about 13 when this happened)  I went to see what the problem was. She was in the bathroom, on the counter with her cat beside her..... I asked *whats wrong?* She told me that there was a mouse in with the towels. She seen it and went to get her cat which was sleeping on her bed. She grabbed the sleeping cat and threw it in with the towels. As soon as the cat seen the mouse, it (the cat) jumped on top of the counter with my daughter. The mouse scared the cat!.....  :;'    It was one of those *you had to be there to see this*

[justahumping]

Funny how this thread started today after what I did this morning..I was rinsing out a jelly jar to put in trash, the picked up the peanut butter jar and started to rinse it to........only there was STILL  peanut butter in it.. :)) Hubby looked at me and said..You ok??. Guess I wanted clean peanut butter!!!   :)))

LOL. Wake up Nanners...........

[Tara]

I have another one that has to do with my daughter.
    I heard my daughter screaming one morning. (she was about 13 when this happened)  I went to see what the problem was. She was in the bathroom, on the counter with her cat beside her..... I asked *whats wrong?* She told me that there was a mouse in with the towels. She seen it and went to get her cat which was sleeping on her bed. She grabbed the sleeping cat and threw it in with the towels. As soon as the cat seen the mouse, it (the cat) jumped on top of the counter with my daughter. The mouse scared the cat!.....  :;'    It was one of those *you had to be there to see this*

Oh gawd, not a mouse story..  I really want someone's Mommy now. :OO :'((

[Libra]

Ugh... fell in pool.  Totally clothed and sober:

Ok... My neighbor's cat has kind of adopted us.  Our screened in pool area is no longer screened in because the hurricane blew the screen to kingdom come.  This is where the cat hangs out, sleeps, eats, etc.  It's also where I feed her.  Every day, I come home from work (after the mad dash to the bathroom to pee, because I can't pee in the coed bathroom at work) I feed the cat.  Yanno how cats will weave in and out of your legs while you're trying to walk?  Especially when you have a bowl of food in your hand? 

Well.

I've got aforementioned bowl of food in my hand, teetering around in my heels out by the pool where I feed her, and she's weaving in and out and around my legs, the dog's there too, and he's all excited to be outside, so he's hopping and skipping and jumping around....

Well.

I lose my balance.  Now, rather than step ON the weaving cat and the hyper dog, I kinda do a two-step, side step, wave your hands in the air like you just don't care, balance beam act in my high heels and brand new dress that's dry clean only...

Well.

I lost it.  The contents of the bowl of cat food go FLYING.  The cat does one of those standing still, jump straight up in the air 40 feet thingies, the dog goes flying off in the other direction..... And I, graceful thing that I am... fall right in the pool.  High heels, dry clean only dress, bowl and all. 

Splash.

RIGHT. IN. THE. POOL!

So, the neighbors across the water, who are sitting out back, enjoying the coolness of the early evening, yell out, "Are you ok?"  Except.... It sounds like this:

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha snort! ARE YOU ha ha ha ha ha haa teehee ha ha ha OK? ha ha ha ha ha tee hee hee hee giggle snort!"

I am fine.  I am wet.  I am humiliated.  But I am just fine.  Thankyouverymuch!

Moral of the story?  Always put a bikini on before feeding the cat.  >:(

[Libra]

I have a few that I can't mention  :-\ ...But! It wasn't my fault....it was the alcohol.  :-[ :ll

Hell, I can only blame alcohol on about half of mine!  :))

Lmaooo.... 

LMAO!  Where do you find this crap?  :)) :))

[justahumping]

Libra..... That was funny, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to  have seen that one.   :))