What should I do??

[Stinkerbell]

Okay, I don't usually spill the family skeletons here, but I don't know what to do.

My brother is an immoral SOB.  He got married when he was about 18, cheated on that wife and when she found out she divorced him so he married the woman he cheated with.  He then had a series of affairs - cheating on the 2nd wife who finally got fed up and left him.  He married a 3rd time, got caught cheating again but #3 is so trusting and kind and gullible, that she believed him when he said they were only friends and that he wouldn't see her anymore.  So anyway, about 2 months ago he claimed to be having an emotional breakdown and needed space.  He left #3, but keep coming over for coffee in the morning.  He keeps telling her that he still loves her, wants only her and is trying to get his head together so they can be together again.  I just got off the phone with my dad who said that 3 weeks ago my brother told him he filed for divorce but couldn't serve the papers because they couldn't find #3.  That's a lie - she has a steady job and can be easily found.  So anyway -
I had told bro that if I ever heard of another affair I was going to tell #3 because it wasn't fair.  So I feel like I'm in a dilemma.  Do I tell #3 what my bro told my dad?  Or do I go on being party to the lies?  If I were #3 I would want to know so I could move on with my life.  But I'm not #3 and she is so desperately holding out hope I don't want to say anything just in case he changed his mind and really does want to be with her.  I swear I want to print up fliers with a disclaimer about him, warning future victims.


Any suggestions?

[harley89]

Dont tell her anything she is not ready to hear. From reading at the beginning I was on the tell her side till I got to the end. You said she is holding out hope.  Even from you she may not want to hear. And she may already know.   Some lessons in life are brutal but when they are learned you dont forget them.  This sounds like one of the brutal ones. I would however let my brother have one more good old earful. Let him know the game he is playing is well know among his family.   Make sure he understands you will not lie if asked.  But I have many concerns for this young woman dont let him handle any divorce proceedings. When it happens if you have to take her make sure she has her own lawyer. Hopefully she will learn alittle bit about choices and the price you can pay emotionally.  But in the end you must do what you think is best.  If your brother has this much control over her if you do tell her odds are he will make you into a conniving old witch and she will believe him.   I wish you well with this.  Hope I gave you enough to think about. In the end the decision is yours.  Good Luck

[Ms.Behavin]

I agree with Harley. I wouldn't tell her anything. In my family, we never turn our backs on each other no matter how wrong they are. I know it might be the right thing to do, but he is ur family member. Who can u trust if you cant trust ur family.
I am sure she knew what she was getting herself into when she got involved with him. If you say something to her, then you are risking your relationship with ur brother. I know from experience that saying something is NEVER the right thing to do.
You are going to be getting yourself involved in a situation that is not ur problem. If something needs to be said, then you need to have a heart to heart with ur brother. At least that way he knows your not sneaking around his back, telling his secrets. He will never trust you again if you tell her, and IMO the bonds we break with family are the ones that can never be fixed. I just think you will be opening a WHOLE other can of worms, that would probably be fixed on its own. They need to work on this themselves and you getting in the middle of it will not solve anything. People have to grow up on their own and we can not change anything about anyone. So like I said I would talk to him, tell him how you feel and tell him that what he is doing is not right. And if he takes ur advice then so be it and if not then let it go. I mean I know I have enough problems in my life, and God only knows that I do not need to deal with someone else's problems. Ya know? I am sorry if I sound harsh. I have always been straight forward and honest. I dont believe in beating around the bush, it solves nothing. Hope this helps.  O0 Keep us updated.

[apple]

i agree dont say nothing not yet anyway see where the ground lies when she married him she knew what man he was so she will know all but is hoping if she waits long enough he will come back

[bluebell1us]

agree with the others, some lessons must be learned first had.  I would talk to my brother and let him know what a low life he is being.

[Stinkerbell]

Thank you for your suggestions.  I was expecting more people to feel like I do, that she needs to be told.  But that's why I asked - not sure if I would have been doing the right thing or not.  And truth be told, she's so in love with the bum that even if I did tell her, she'd either discount me completely or buy whatever lame excuse he gives her anyway.

Thanks again

[swamp]

 ::) :##

[Mary]

stay out of it been there done that and you will be the piece of poop when they stay together 

[zeboo]

I would stay clear of this situation I have no doubt that Karma is gonna bite back at your brother one day and he will pay for all he has wronged. He will prolly end up head over heals for another woman falling deeply in love with her only to have her cheat on him ..

[Stinkerbell]

I would stay clear of this situation I have no doubt that Karma is gonna bite back at your brother one day and he will pay for all he has wronged. He will prolly end up head over heals for another woman falling deeply in love with her only to have her cheat on him ..

Oh, that is happening to him right now.  One of the ones he cheated with, he told me how much in love with her he is and when she found out he was married (she didn't mind cheating with him when he was just living with #3 but when they got married - no way) she dumped him realllly fast.  He's miserable but as far as I'm concerned she would just be another number if they ever finally got married anyway.  And my parents and I told my brother that we are tired of getting attached to his flavor of the month only to have him end up treating her like dirt in the end.  And while she was still willing to cheat with him I told my brother "if someone will cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you."  And now the almost future #4 is dating someone else and it's making my brother crazy.  He deserves it.

[Mary]

thats what he gets  :)) :))

[viveeee]

 :OO