Technical Support

[Darling SilverDodger]

This is reportedly an actual phone dialog of a former WordPerfect customer support employee:
       
      Support: "Hello, Technical Support; may I help you?"
      Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
       
      S: "What sort of trouble?"
      C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
       
      S: "Went away?"
      C: "They disappeared."
       
      S: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
      C: "Nothing."
       
      S: "Nothing?"
      C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
       
      S: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
      C: "How do I tell?"
       
      S: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
      C: "What's a sea-prompt?"
       
      S: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
      C: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
       
      S: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
      C: "What's a monitor?"
       
      S: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
      C: "I don't know."
       
      S: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
      C: "Yes, I think so."
       
      S: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
      C: "Yes, it is."
       
      S: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
      C: "No."
       
      S: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
      C: "Okay, here it is."
       
      S: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
      C: "I can't reach."
       
      S: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
      C: "No."
       
      S: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
      C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
       
      S: "Dark?"
      C: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
       
      S: "Well, turn on the office light then."
      C: "I can't."
       
      S: "No? Why not?"
      C: "Because there's a power outage."
       
      S: "A power?!? A *power* outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
      C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
       
      S: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
      C: "Really? Is it that bad?"
       
      S: "Oh, yes, I'm afraid it is."
      C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
       
      S: "Tell them you're just too darn stupid to own a computer."

[swamp]

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