Sympathy for the Devil

[Darling SilverDodger]

The Devil And The Golfer 

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
       
      A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"
       
      The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.
       
      Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
       
      The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
       
      The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
       
      Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
       
      The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.
       
      As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
       
      "Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

Satan Goes to Church 

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.
       
      Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."
       
      Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
       
      Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."


Get Thee Behind Me 

A little boy always went next door to play even though his mom had warned him against doing so. This worried his mom so badly that she asked him why he was so disobedient.
       
      He replied that Satan tempted him so bad and he did not know what to do.
       
      His mom then advised him to say 'get behind me Satan' whenever he was tempted. She then built a fence around the house.
       
      This worked for a week, then one sunny afternoon his mom looked out the window and there was her son playing on the neighbors lawn having cut a hole in the fence.
       
      "Jeremiah", she yelled, "come here!" She then said "did I not tell you to say 'get behind me Satan' whenever he tempted you?"
       
      "Yes", the boy replied, "I said, 'get behind me Satan', then he went behind me and pushed me through the hole in the fence."


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