What We Say And What We Mean

[swamp]

I need time to think things over.
(I don't want to be around when you realize I'm leaving you.)

I'm the one who's to blame.
(I should never have got involved with you in the first place.)

All I want is for you to be happy.
(Give me a break.)

I miss you.
(I haven't found anyone else yet.)

I'm fine . . . really.
(If I die, it'll be your fault.)

There'll never be anyone else like you.
(I will never make the same horrific mistake again.)

What Women Say and What they Mean

Yes
(No)

No
(No)

Maybe
(No)

You want
(You want)

We need
(I want)

It's your decision.
(The correct decision should be obvious by now.)

Do what you want.
(You'll pay for this later.)

I'm sorry.
(You'll be sorry.)

We need to talk.
(I need to complain.)

Sure . . . go ahead.
(I don't want you to.)

I'm not upset.
(Of course I'm upset, you moron.)

You're... so manly.
(You need a shave and you sweat a lot.)

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
(It's my period)

This kitchen is so inconvenient.
(I want a new house)

I want new curtains.
(and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper . . .)

I heard a noise.
(I noticed you were almost asleep.)

Do you love me?
(I'm going to ask for something expensive.)

How much do you love me?
(I did something today you're really not going to like . . .)

Is my butt fat?
(Tell me I'm beautiful.)

You have to learn to communicate.
(Just agree with me.)

Do you like this recipe?
(It's easy to fix, so you'd better get get used to it.)

I'm not yelling!
(Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.)

I don't want to talk about it.
(Go away, I'm still building up evidence against you.)

Women's Guide to what Men Really Mean

"I'm hungry."
(I'm hungry.)

"I'm sleepy."
(I'm sleepy.)

"I'm tired."
(I'm tired.)

"Do you want to go to a movie?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"Can I take you out to dinner?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"Can I Call you sometime?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"May I have this dance?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"Nice dress!"
(Nice cleavage!)

"You look tense, let me give you a massage."
(I want to fondle you.)

"What's wrong?"
(What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
trauma are you going through now?)

"What's wrong?"
(I guess sex tonight is out of the question.)

"I'm bored."
(Do you want to have sex?)

"I love you."
(Let's have sex now.)

"I love you too."
(Okay, I said it . . . we'd better have sex now!)

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(I liked it better before.)

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(50 bucks and it still doesn't look any different!)

"Let's talk."
(I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.)

"Will you marry me?"
(I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.)

(While shopping) "I like that one better."
(Pick any damn dress and let's go home!)  :))

[eebared]

 :)) :))