The Bathing Suit

[Stinkerbell]

(Got this from a friend and thought I would pass it on)


When I was a child in the 1960s the bathing suit for the mature figure
was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered.

They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.



Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a
figure carved from a potato chip.



The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up front to the
maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking
like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander
around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice
from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.



What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my
sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.



The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of
the stretch material.

The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I
believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added
bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are
protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your
passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I
twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had
disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit.

It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened
beside my seventh rib..

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra
cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her
chest like a speed bump.


I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full
view assessment.



The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those
bits of me willing to stay inside it.

The rest of me oozed out rebelliously
from top, bottom, and sides.

I looked like a lump of play dough wearing
undersized cling wrap.



As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there
you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.



I replied that I wasn't  so sure and asked what else sh e had to show
me.

I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of
masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an
oversized napkin in a serving ring.



I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills
and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a
rough day..

I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish
in mourning.



I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I
would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.



Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts
style bottom and a loose blouse-type top.



It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it.

My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got home, I found a label which read --
'Material might become transparent in water.'


So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any
other body of water this year and I'm there too .. I'll be the one
in cut off jeans and a t-shirt!



'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the
rain '

unknown

[bams68]

Oh dear pretty funny


Ur Deer Friend
bams

[harley89]

being a rather mature woman I agree with the article.   And it is funny. Last week I went to the doctor and she asked me if I had any surgeries and if so when. I said yes it was a breast lump and it was about 2 inches ago. She asked me what I meant. I said the scar is 2 inches lower than it used to be.  She got a kick out of that one

[gator8_24]

LOL thanks, I enjoyed the laugh today! :))

[casahilo]

 Lycra makes your ass look like 300 pounds of potato's in a hundred pound bag.

[gator8_24]

 :)) :)) :)) :))