rules or rural georgia

[swamp]

LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!!
THE RULES OF RURAL GEORGIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
   
1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.

3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'RED DIRT ROAD.'  NO MATTER HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET RED DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.

4. THEY ARE CHICKENS. THEY'RE LIVE ROASTERS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY TO YOU, GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-20 GOES EAST AND WEST, I-75 and 85 GO NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.

5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.

6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL GEORGIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.

7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.

8. YEAH, WE EAT 'TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD AND PULLED PORK.  WE FRY OUR FISH AFTER 'CATCHIN EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.

9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.

10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE.

11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK OR YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.

12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES:  MEATS (INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER , HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH, YEAH...WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !!!!

13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED OVER ICE.

14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW TO SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.

15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE EAGLES AND THE STEELERS, AND A DANG SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.

16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT SPOOKS THE FISH.

17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE EMORY, GA TECH, GA STATE, UGA, STATE UNIVERSITIES, COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE FOR GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND MARINES. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.

19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.

20. 1 INCH OF SNOW ISN'T A BLIZZARD - IT'S A FLURRY. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE IN IT, AND DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA , WORST CASE YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS OR STARBUCKS. 

[Homer]

Don't forget the most important rule...

No Junior in victory lane at Talladega 

[swamp]

Don't forget the most important rule...

No Junior in victory lane at Talladega 

soooo true  

[snowflower]

   Good one!!          

[harley89]

This georgia peach loves it and I do live on one of those red dirt roads and laff at all those slow moving cars.  Years ago on weekends a bunch of good ole boys used to run their coon dogs at night. One time around 1am one of them dogs got to tracking around my house baying the whole time. I stepped out onthe back porch and yelled call em up or I start shooting and I heard this voice please lady shoot me not the dogs that is a true southern man