things that took me 52 years to learn

[swamp]

 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,
decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His
messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very
often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.

14. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

15. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

16. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.

17. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.

18. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that
amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the T.i.t.a.n.i.c    :))) :))) :!!

[gator8_24]

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night. -You know this, how?

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."-think this is called POGO

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously - So true!  They take all the fun away!

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.- Boy is that ever true, no matter where.

10. Never lick a steak knife. - now were you the tester?

[harley89]

After 54 years I can attest to the validty of all your list. I did learn a new one the other day. The learning process cost me about 15 minutes of total insanity till I learned. I have 1 dog ,a visiting dog and I have 5 cats. It is a real wise thing to make sure all the animals you are feeding actually live in your house.  The resulting chaos caused by the evil twin can be mind altering . So now I check to make sure it is my animals I am feeding and calm reigns

[~Sassy~]

After 54 years I can attest to the validty of all your list. I did learn a new one the other day. The learning process cost me about 15 minutes of total insanity till I learned. I have 1 dog ,a visiting dog and I have 5 cats. It is a real wise thing to make sure all the animals you are feeding actually live in your house.  The resulting chaos caused by the evil twin can be mind altering . So now I check to make sure it is my animals I am feeding and calm reigns

What do I do with my evil twin?  (O+O)

[Stinkerbell]

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously... or become "offended" by it.

[Tara]

 

[Shushi]

"The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide."

[pogo 101]

 Swamp your post was sooo funny I have pinned it to my fridge and now run my life via your experiences LOL

[ozcar]

I'm going to need a few more years before I can post in this thread.

[harley89]

This one took 59 years to learn.  NEVER and I mean NEVER stand in the path of a big dog that is afraid of gunfire and guns are going off. 

[MrsDebi]

live life like its ur last day

[Squid]

I'm done learning.  So there.

[ozcar]

you never stop learning, see you just learned that

[Squid]

OMG, you're right!  Now I've stopped learning.  All done.