Wedding Registries

[hotpinklovesofa]

To those of you who are invited/attend weddings on a regular basis (not me), what is the number of items on a registry where it starts to look tacky and grubby?  All I really need to do is replace my kitchen items which are old and mediocre quality.  All-Clad is super expensive but it's also the best and it's what I want because we cook at home a lot and we just put all pro-grade appliances but I'm also registering for a good chunk of cast iron pieces from Logic which are a lot more affordable.  There's some stuff in between as well but the number is at 75 now and I don't know if that's too much or if I should add even more.  I wouldn't be surprised nor offended if some people went in on stuff to soften the blow so I don't know if it's already enough. I have a private list that I keep on Amazon of items I need to get as a reminder for myself and it's what I've been working off of for the registry.  That one has an extra 65 items that are lower priority or so inexpensive I don't know if people would even bother.  I'm also thinking of adding a few charities as options as well.  Any suggestions?

[snap20]

I'm no expert, and can't comment on tacky or grubby, but the few times I've been to a wedding and saw the list/shopped from it I remember seeing lists with 100s of items. I think as long as you don't expect to get everything on the list, there isn't a "too much". I think it all depends on the items. I've seen a couple lists with things like dvd's and games. That kind of stuff, in my opinion, doesn't belong on a registry. I think household items that the couple can help the couple start their "home". Tools, kitchen items, bathroom items (like specific towels), gardening stuff/lawn stuff, maybe a few household appliances and electronics is what I expect to find.

I don't know if that helps or not, but thought I'd put it out there. :)

[Squid]

I don't believe there's a limit to what you can include on your registry, HotPink.  When I've used registries to buy from, I've actually appreciated that there were many things to choose.  Some things were way too expensive for me and were excluded.   In those cases, I frequently chose a couple of lower priced things that they wanted.  Knowing they wanted it made it easier for me.  I have also chosen NOT to pick anything from the list and buy something on my own.  That's allowed, too.  I've seen household registries and other kinds, too, such as a honeymoon registry (things people wanted or wanted to do during their honeymoon, etc.)  I think anything goes these days.  Just remember to always send a thank you note expressing gratitude for people's generosity.  I've bought gifts and did not get a thank you.  Now THAT's tacky.

[hotpinklovesofa]

Thank you both.

Yes, I also find it tacky that people don't send thank you notes anymore. For a wedding obviously it should be a formal note but if I mail your kid a birthday gift and you don't thank me until 3-4 months later as a response to a mass email letting people know my new number then you're an ass and essentially off the real friend list. In some cases a quick text or email will more than suffice as an acknowledgment but not even that from some people.

[snap20]

I wouldn't expect a thank you card unless it was a graduation, confirmation or wedding. I have an extremely low expectation of other people though.

[Squid]

A gift always deserves a thank you.  JMHO.

[disneyland lady]

I am at the point in my life where all of my friends kids are now having 2nd and 3rd weddings and I do not feel obligated to even gift them and cringe when I am sent a gift registry from people I have not even met more than twice. Normally I purchase a gift card for one of the places that are listed unless they are all high end. And I even gave a Home Depot gift card at one which was unexpected but really appreciated because the groom rarely lists things he wants. I have also seen some that were out of my range but I knew the bride really wanted that pattern or item so I jumped in with another guest to share a bigger, quality gift instead of something less.

I too, like to see that thank you. Unless you are my DIL who had to write this to all the guests at their wedding: "Thank you all for the great gifts. I am sure it was exactly what we wanted. Unfortunately my new husband took all the cards off the gifts and brought them to the honeymoon thinking they might have some extra cash. So when we got home I had no idea who got us what. I learned something new about sharing a life. My new husband is right now learning this as he addresses each and every thank you card."

There is a website talking about the no-no's of gift registry:
http://voices.yahoo.com/wedding-etiquette-10-wedding-gift-registry-no-nos-6397038.html?cat=46

And file under tacky: Recently I was sent an invite to a bridal shower FROM the bride which had a link to her Pinterest website so I could look at to find what she wanted AND it had an address to send $35 for my share of the luncheon. Instead I spent both the bridal money and the luncheon money on EA cards!

***edited to add - EA Cards! Perfect gift!!

[Squid]

MEN!  He should have had to write all the notes, too, not just addressing the envelopes.  I already like your D-I-L. 

I do not buy gifts for people I do not know, who are just fishing for presents.  Throw your line in another body of water... I'm not biting.

Greed is so very unattractive.

[hotpinklovesofa]

Yeah that was one of the links that came up and I read a few weeks ago. What do you do if people you're not inviting ask about giving a gift? Are they fishing for an invitation? I want a small wedding with friends not acquaintances. Ugh, I'd just rather buy this stuff myself. Maybe I'll just switch to no gifts but if you'd like to make a donation, here are some charities to choose from.

[Squid]

If you're just having a small wedding with just a few friends, why sweat it?   

[hotpinklovesofa]

Ha ha. It's small by catholic standards. There's still going to be a lot of people and I'm trying to figure out what to do with all the kids. There's like a new baby every other month from both our sides.

[disneyland lady]

A wedding is meant to be celebrated and congrats on making this kind of commitment in these days. I would not put anything about "optional" or "donation" cuz those who your family has spent a pretty dollar on over the years on everyone else and those people will use those 2 words as an out. I enjoy buying wedding gifts to those who are special in my life and even their kids now that I am at that point in my life. And considering your mentioning that there is a baby born on both sides often enough..... think towards YOUR future gifts and gifting. And it is actually noble of you to even consider this. Obviously you are not the bridezilla type but keep in mind that this is one of those few days in your life when it is about you.

I was married by a judge between sessions in traffic court. I used to joke that he gave the guy before us a suspended sentence and we got life. We didn't have a reception as hubby raced motocross in Spain and I was in a band in Europe. All romantic sounding but we did not get the celebration with anyone but pitcrew and bandmates so I am jealous and expect you to make it the best day in your life!

[Squid]

If I were to do it again for the 11th time, I'd have a justice of the peace do it.  I'm over it all.
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> Just kidding about the 11th time.

[hotpinklovesofa]

I wanted to elope and just have a reception at a later date but as an only child to a catholic mother I'm already breaking her heart by not having a church wedding (we're not religious even if our families are) so I couldn't take the wedding ceremony away from her too. Something I don't wish on anyone is being an only child. The pressure is insane.

[Squid]

I understand, Hot.  My mother would probably get a telegram (yeah, I know - they're gone) from some exotic location telling her the deed is done.  I have watched friends and family agonize over weddings and my only thought has been, "Why on earth do they do this to themselves?".  I would have to have enough money to pay someone else to do it or I'd be found at city hall.