Dream Faerie's Humor Thread :^)

[Dream Faerie]

An 80's Love Story
I was working part time in a five and dime.  My boss was Mr.  Magee. He
was six foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I
was happy to be stuck with him.  One manic Monday, while I was busy
working for the weekend, I overheard him make a careless whisper.
He told two of my co-workers, Jack and Diane, that I gave love a bad name.
Well, I got so emotional, baby.  I told him to say say say what he
wants, but don't play games with my affection.  He told me it was hard
for him to say he's sorry and not to worry, to be happy.  Then he blamed
it on the rain.  He was so out of touch.  It just took my breath away.
I couldn't fight this feeling any longer.  I asked him "What's love got to do with it?"
He told me to get outta his store and his dreams and into my car.
So I figured I might as well jump.  I cut footloose, went home and
called my girl, Jenny.  (You already know the number)  She was on the
other line with Amanda.  They were talking about Mickey and how he was
so fine.  That blew my mind! Was she really going out with him? I told
her that I had just called to say I love her.  She told me she had been
saving all her love for me, but now she was looking for a new love -
asta la vista, baby.  I thought "I can't go for that - no can do! Bring
me a higher love!"  I called up some of my old west end girls, hoping
that one of them would want to get physical all night long (all night).
First I called Billie Jean - she told me to beat it.  I called Rosanna -
her sister Christian blessed the rains down in Africa and then hung up
on me.  Come on, Eileen! ... no answer.  Nobody told me there'd be days
like these!  I was feeling like the owner of a lonely heart.
Then, out of the blue, my best friend's girlfriend (she used to be mine)
Roxanne calls.  Yes, the real Roxanne.  She told me she still hadn't
found what she's looking for and that she wanted to take on me.  I said
"I thought you were Jessie's girl."  She said "Don't you want me? You
don't have to put on the red light - I'm on my own." What a feeling! I
had the eye of the tiger.  Who was I f-f-f-foolin?  Roxanne drove me crazy like no one else.
She's a beauty! She blinded me with science, and weird science at that.
There was always something there to remind me of her and I just knew
that I'd have the time of my life. I wasn't about to la-di-da-di. I jumped in my little red Corvette and
rocked down to Electric Avenue. I got my mind set on her.  When I got to
her house (in the middle of her street) I ran.  I rapped on her front
door and to this rapper's delight, i heard a voice say "Who can it be
now?" "Here I am, the one that you love", I replied.  I let my love open
the door and was immediately lost in her eyes.  I felt like a virgin
touched for the very first time. She loosened her blouse and said "Rock
me Amadeus!"  Well, I felt it was my prerogative to bust a move.  I told
her "I'll tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like the wolf.
Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder.  "Turn around bright
eyes!"  said a familiar voice.  As I did, Jessie hit me with a sledgehammer of an uppercut that spun me right round like a record. He was hangin' tough and continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from
beneath my wings - broken wings by this time.  He rocked me tonight, for
old time's sake, beating me from head to toe, until my true colors were
black and blue and blood was spilling from my mouth like red, red wine.
"You don't owe me money for nothing!" he snarled.  At this point I was
livin' on a prayer.  I crawled back to my little red Corvette and drove
home thinking about how my tainted love had cut like a knife - how it
seems that every rose, truly, has its thorn.  No longer do I want to
know what love is.  Love stinks.[/b]

[bigbear78]

Good one  O0

I think most people on here are to young to know all those songs.

As I was reading I was singing the songs in my head  :D 8)

[Dream Faerie]

Good one  O0

I think most people on here are to young to know all those songs.

As I was reading I was singing the songs in my head  :D 8)

With all the remakes, I was hoping some of the people that were too young then would still get it  ;)

[Dream Faerie]

OOPS! & Thank you!

[Dream Faerie]

Man holds record for milk squirting

September 1, 2004 — A man from Turkey may hold one of the most bizarre world records - milk squirting.

The Turkish construction worker Ilker Yilmaz pours milk into his hand, loudly snorts it up his nose and squirts it over nine feet out of his eye. Guinness World Records folks say he has broken the world record of just over eight feet.

Yilmaz says he is happy to get Turkey in the record books, even if it's for milk squirting.

Yilmaz claims he is among only a handful of people around the world who can perform the feat because of an abnormal tear gland.

[Dream Faerie]

August 25, 2004 (SUMMERFORD, Ohio) — Mary Dhume figures she got a phone call from God.

The central Ohio woman was watching TV when the phone rang Monday night. She got up to answer it, but there was no one at the other end. Moments later, a pickup truck crashed into her living room where Dhume had been sitting.

The driver of the truck missed a curve on the road in front of Dhume's home.

Dhume says maybe the phone call was God's way of telling her to get out of the way.

The driver ran, but was arrested a few hours later.

[Dream Faerie]

May 27, 2004 (BINGHAMTON, NY) — A Virginia man was arrested after police allegedly found him covered head to toe in Vaseline.

The 44-year-old man's unique brand of lubrication would not be illegal if he was not accused of using the Vaseline to damage a hotel room. Police told ABCNEWS affiliate WPVI in Philadelphia, Pa., that the man — whose name was not released — coated almost his entire Motel 6 room with petroleum jelly. The cleaning crew found Vaseline on the television set, the mattress, furniture and carpeting and motel officials say the damage is more than $1,000.

The well-lubricated suspect has been charged with felony criminal mischief.

[Dream Faerie]

One Georgia woman was arrested when she did not hold her peace at her ex-husband's wedding.

Shirley Darlene Kent, 27, was arrested for terrorist threats and actions on April 29 when she berated her ex-husband Willie Cosby in the Newton County Courthouse hallway and allegedly threatened to kill him. Police said Kent was upset about Cosby's new marriage and wanted to discuss issues involving their three children with him.

According to a police report, the incident began when Kent began pulling on Cosby's shirt as he sat on the courthouse bench with his new wife-to-be and escalated when she allegedly threatened his life. After Kent's arrest, Cosby's wedding went forward under police protection.

[Dream Faerie]

Crazy Legs Conti is a competitive eater who used to be the world oyster-eating champion. Yesterday he tried gobbling up snacks. Conti put on goggles and lowered himself into a giant box of popcorn.

His goal was to eat it all in eight hours, so he could make it to the premier of his new movie.

"The sheer volume, the pressure that if I don't finish all this popcorn that I can't make it to the premiere of my movie. So I think it is mental pressure," said Crazy Legs Conti

The last report we have is that Crazy legs made it to his chest.

[Dream Faerie]

   How STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!

An accused car thief may have been better off consulting a map or just not asking for directions.

Tennessee authorities say Jason Daniel Waddell, 26, stopped a woman in an apartment complex on March 30 and asked her for directions to Interstate 40. However, Waddell, a Maryland resident, allegedly gave a little bit too much information to the woman – he told her he was driving a stolen vehicle.

The woman called the police after her encounter with Waddell, and authorities arrested him about an hour later, 15 miles away and still on a state highway. He was charged with aggravated robbery and property theft. He also faces separate charges for allegedly holding up a sandwich shop and stealing $200.