Holiday Eating Tips

[jenni765uk]

Holiday Eating Tips

             1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who
              puts carrots on a holiday buffet
       table knows nothing of the
         Christmas spirit. In fact, if
                   you see carrots, leave immediately.
           Go next door, where they're
serving rum balls.

              2. Drink as much eggnog as you
              can. And quickly. Like fine
              single-malt scotch, it's rare.
             In fact, it's even rarer than
                    single-malt scotch. You can't find
              it any other time of year but
                  now. So drink up! Who cares
            that it has 10,000 calories in
               every sip? It's not as if you're
                    going to turn into an eggnog-aholic
         or something. It's a treat.
          Enjoy it. Have one for me.
                    Have two. It's later than you think.
It's Christmas!

          3. If something comes with gravy,
              use it. That's the whole point of
           gravy. Gravy does not stand
                  alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano
          out of your mashed potatoes.
        Fill it with gravy. Eat the
volcano. Repeat.

         4. As for mashed potatoes, always
        ask if they're made with skim
           milk or whole milk. If it's skim,
       pass. Why bother? It's like
       buying a sports car with an
  automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before
   going to a party in an effort
  to control your eating. The
            whole point of going to a Christmas
  party is to eat other people's
       food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should
       you exercise between now and
  New Year's. You can do that
   in January when you have
    nothing else to do. This is the
      time for long naps, which you'll
  need after circling the buffet
        table while carrying a 10-pound
               plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something
really good at a buffet table,
   like frosted Christmas cookies
    in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them
and don't budge. Have as
      many as you can before becoming
  the center of attention. They're
like a beautiful pair of shoes.
   If you leave them behind, you're
never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin.
Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or, if you don't like mincemeat,
have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do
you get to have more than one
dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake?
Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories,
but avoid it at all cost. I mean,
have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel
       terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you
haven't been paying attention.

           Reread tips; start over, but hurry,
           January is just around the corner.

       Remember this motto to live by:

       "Life should NOT be a journey
       to the grave with the intention
           of arriving safely in an attractive
     and well preserved body, but
  rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand,
martini in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally
worn out and screaming
          "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have an amazing day. :)[/left][/center][/left]