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Posted by TmT
- November 21, 2007, 09:33:18 PMQuote from: SpunkyGirl on November 21, 2007, 09:23:46 PMI love humor and bringin it to someone's day. "A merry heart is like medicine"... I love making people smile. Glad you think its funny 2.
Lol 2 Funny!!!Quote from: TmT on November 19, 2007, 07:10:24 PM
Tips from a Police Officer
What to do when you are pulled over
By KEVIN RANSOM, AOL AUTOS
Story Highlights
Always stay in the car.
Pull over as soon as it is safe to.
The most important rule to follow is to pull over in a safe area.
Keep your hands on the wheel as the trooper or officer approaches your vehicle.
It's ok to complain but don't use profanity. In some states it can get you arrested for disorderly conduct.
*When I saw this article I had to laugh. Isnt this common sense to most people that get pulled over. I was looking for the police officer to tell me how to get outta the freaking ticket* :))
Posted by SpunkyGirl
- November 21, 2007, 09:23:46 PMLol 2 Funny!!!
Quote from: TmT on November 19, 2007, 07:10:24 PM
Tips from a Police Officer
What to do when you are pulled over
By KEVIN RANSOM, AOL AUTOS
Story Highlights
Always stay in the car.
Pull over as soon as it is safe to.
The most important rule to follow is to pull over in a safe area.
Keep your hands on the wheel as the trooper or officer approaches your vehicle.
It's ok to complain but don't use profanity. In some states it can get you arrested for disorderly conduct.
*When I saw this article I had to laugh. Isnt this common sense to most people that get pulled over. I was looking for the police officer to tell me how to get outta the freaking ticket* :))
Posted by les
- November 21, 2007, 09:05:26 PMi really like watching cops,a show called jail
Posted by TmT
- November 21, 2007, 08:58:56 PMQuote from: harleyrider on November 20, 2007, 09:49:30 AMI love it real life stories of cop situations. I loved watching the tv program "COPS"... Funny stuff!!
Real life is so funny sometimes. My Dad is a retired cop. Many years ago he was chasing a woman for speeding and possible DUI speeds were in excess of 80 miles per hour. When he finally got her stop she was naked. While driving at high speeds she had removed all her clothes the clothes were inside the car. At that time the dept. didnt have any female officers. So he had to wrestle this naked lady by himself. He did get her cuffed and in the back of the car he was then able to cover her with a blanket which she had kicked off before he got her to the jail. After it was over he had a good laugh. Said it was the one time he wasnt worried about any weapons
Posted by harley89
- November 20, 2007, 09:49:30 AMReal life is so funny sometimes. My Dad is a retired cop. Many years ago he was chasing a woman for speeding and possible DUI speeds were in excess of 80 miles per hour. When he finally got her stop she was naked. While driving at high speeds she had removed all her clothes the clothes were inside the car. At that time the dept. didnt have any female officers. So he had to wrestle this naked lady by himself. He did get her cuffed and in the back of the car he was then able to cover her with a blanket which she had kicked off before he got her to the jail. After it was over he had a good laugh. Said it was the one time he wasnt worried about any weapons
Posted by gator8_24
- November 20, 2007, 09:08:07 AM"When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race." Must have been Jeffy G ! (shhhh don't tell H)
Posted by TmT
- November 20, 2007, 03:00:37 AM :## Still good morn'n readin with my :## Thanks for sharing!
Posted by Darling SilverDodger
- November 20, 2007, 02:55:31 AM118 things not to say to a police officer
(Sorry if some of these are familiar.)
1. Man, I have no idea how fast I was goin'!
2. Can you hand me your gun?
3. Care for a doughnut?
4. Whatever you do, don't search my trunk.
5. What exactly is "legally drunk"?
6. So, what's a good bribe go for around here?
7. I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record.
8. Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of three?
9. If I were you I'd let me go!
10. Met your quota? Happy now?
11. I want your badge number and your superior officer's name right now!
12. You should give the ticket to my damn unreliable cruise control.
13. Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think?
14. If I had known you were there I would never have been going that fast!
15. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
16. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
17. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
18. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...
19. Touch him.
20. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
21. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
22. Refer to him by his first name.
23. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
24. When he says no, cry.
25. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
26. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
27. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
28. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
29. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first."
30. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.
31. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
32. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.
33. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.
34. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
35. Trip and fall into him.
36. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
37. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.
38. Chew on the pen, nervously.
39. Clean your ear with the pen.
40. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
41. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar...
42. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
43. Act like you are retarded.
44. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
45. Or mumble to yourself.
46. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?
47. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm... only 5 of you here tonight...
48. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
49. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
50. Ask if he watches Cops.
51. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
52. Giggle if he did.
53. Talk to your hand.
54. Ask if he knows someone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.
55. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
56. When he frisks you, say you missed a spot, and grin.
57. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
58. Try to sell him your car.
59. Ask if you can buy his car.
60. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.
61. Play with the siren.
62. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.
63. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
64. Oops... I meant OVER for dinner.
65. Ask if he ever had pu-tang.
66. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
67. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
68. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
69. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
70. Turn your head and whistle.
71. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that.
72. If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date.
73. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
74. Ask if you can see his gun.
75. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
76. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
77. Tell him you like men in uniform.
78. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.
79. Course I'm ****ed officer, d'you think I'd drive like this if I was sober.
80. Hey &*%hole! Buckle UP!
81. Officer, if I weren't so drunk right now i'd get out of this truck and kick your ***.
82. (After receiving a ticket) Thanks a lot, Officer ****head!
83. Is that a baton in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me.
84. I was just on my way to your sisters house.
85. Say, officer, isn't that your mom standing around on the corner?
86. Are you just mad at me 'cause you couldn't go to college?
87. You can't do that, this isn't my car!
88. You look a little slow today, what, one too many doughnuts?
89. I normally keep all that junk right here (pointing to the dash board), but you see, this isn't my car, and uh, right! This isn't my beer either!
90. I dare ya to arrest me!
91. Ha ha! I got your guu-uun! (long on gun as in a mocking tone)
92. Bet ya can't keep up with me now that your on foot! (and drive away)
93. Can i borrow that pen? Thanks, just wanna break it so ya can't write me up!
94. Go to hell and have a nice day! (after tearing up ticket)
95. Could ya leave me alone for a sec? I just want to finish this beer.
96. Hey! That's my beer!
97. Leave me alone! Go eat some doughnuts or something
98. No officer! That beer is Ralph's. No, he's sitting right there! Don't ya see him?
99. 60 mph in a 30 mph area? Could you put down 70 - I'm trying to sell the car.
100. Yes, officer I saw your flashing lights, but you didn't seem to be catching me, so I assumed you were after someone else.
101. Hey, you must'a been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
102. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
103. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
104. Excuse me, but is "stick up" hyphenated?
105. Hi officer, do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?
106. You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
107. Bad cop! No donut!
108. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
109. You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
110. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked last week on "COPS"?
111. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
112. So, uh, you "on the take" or what?
113. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
114. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
115. So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
116. Hey is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
117. When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video camcorder.
118. Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
;:"
(Sorry if some of these are familiar.)
1. Man, I have no idea how fast I was goin'!
2. Can you hand me your gun?
3. Care for a doughnut?
4. Whatever you do, don't search my trunk.
5. What exactly is "legally drunk"?
6. So, what's a good bribe go for around here?
7. I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record.
8. Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of three?
9. If I were you I'd let me go!
10. Met your quota? Happy now?
11. I want your badge number and your superior officer's name right now!
12. You should give the ticket to my damn unreliable cruise control.
13. Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think?
14. If I had known you were there I would never have been going that fast!
15. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
16. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
17. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
18. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...
19. Touch him.
20. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
21. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
22. Refer to him by his first name.
23. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
24. When he says no, cry.
25. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
26. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
27. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
28. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
29. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first."
30. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.
31. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
32. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.
33. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.
34. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
35. Trip and fall into him.
36. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
37. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.
38. Chew on the pen, nervously.
39. Clean your ear with the pen.
40. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
41. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar...
42. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
43. Act like you are retarded.
44. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
45. Or mumble to yourself.
46. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?
47. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm... only 5 of you here tonight...
48. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
49. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
50. Ask if he watches Cops.
51. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
52. Giggle if he did.
53. Talk to your hand.
54. Ask if he knows someone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.
55. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
56. When he frisks you, say you missed a spot, and grin.
57. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
58. Try to sell him your car.
59. Ask if you can buy his car.
60. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.
61. Play with the siren.
62. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.
63. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
64. Oops... I meant OVER for dinner.
65. Ask if he ever had pu-tang.
66. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
67. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
68. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
69. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
70. Turn your head and whistle.
71. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that.
72. If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date.
73. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
74. Ask if you can see his gun.
75. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
76. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
77. Tell him you like men in uniform.
78. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.
79. Course I'm ****ed officer, d'you think I'd drive like this if I was sober.
80. Hey &*%hole! Buckle UP!
81. Officer, if I weren't so drunk right now i'd get out of this truck and kick your ***.
82. (After receiving a ticket) Thanks a lot, Officer ****head!
83. Is that a baton in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me.
84. I was just on my way to your sisters house.
85. Say, officer, isn't that your mom standing around on the corner?
86. Are you just mad at me 'cause you couldn't go to college?
87. You can't do that, this isn't my car!
88. You look a little slow today, what, one too many doughnuts?
89. I normally keep all that junk right here (pointing to the dash board), but you see, this isn't my car, and uh, right! This isn't my beer either!
90. I dare ya to arrest me!
91. Ha ha! I got your guu-uun! (long on gun as in a mocking tone)
92. Bet ya can't keep up with me now that your on foot! (and drive away)
93. Can i borrow that pen? Thanks, just wanna break it so ya can't write me up!
94. Go to hell and have a nice day! (after tearing up ticket)
95. Could ya leave me alone for a sec? I just want to finish this beer.
96. Hey! That's my beer!
97. Leave me alone! Go eat some doughnuts or something
98. No officer! That beer is Ralph's. No, he's sitting right there! Don't ya see him?
99. 60 mph in a 30 mph area? Could you put down 70 - I'm trying to sell the car.
100. Yes, officer I saw your flashing lights, but you didn't seem to be catching me, so I assumed you were after someone else.
101. Hey, you must'a been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
102. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
103. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
104. Excuse me, but is "stick up" hyphenated?
105. Hi officer, do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?
106. You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
107. Bad cop! No donut!
108. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
109. You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
110. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked last week on "COPS"?
111. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
112. So, uh, you "on the take" or what?
113. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
114. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
115. So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
116. Hey is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
117. When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video camcorder.
118. Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
;:"
Posted by TmT
- November 19, 2007, 10:55:31 PM :)) :)) :)) Unbelievable... some are jus too crazy!!! lmfaoz so hard :8:
Posted by gator8_24
- November 19, 2007, 09:27:38 PMfavorite one-"Aren't you the cop from the Village People?" LOL
Posted by Darling SilverDodger
- November 19, 2007, 08:20:32 PMThings not to say to a Police Officer
I really like those body cavity searches. Can you give me one?
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I pay your salary!
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Aren't you the cop from the Village People?
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Excuse me, is "stick up" hyphenated?
Hi Officer, do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?
You know, I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No donut!
I was trying to keep up with traffic...... Yes, I know there is no other car around. That's how far I am behind the other cars.
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
Let's do it different this time.... I'll give you the breathalyser test. Now stick this in your mouth and blow.
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS last week on TV?
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on the nightstand next to my girlfriend's bed.
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
Gee Officer, that's terrific! The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
So, are you still crabby because your mama didn't let you play with a gun when you were little?
Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothin' compared to this .44 magnum.
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder.
Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
;:" O+O
I really like those body cavity searches. Can you give me one?
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I pay your salary!
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Aren't you the cop from the Village People?
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Excuse me, is "stick up" hyphenated?
Hi Officer, do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?
You know, I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No donut!
I was trying to keep up with traffic...... Yes, I know there is no other car around. That's how far I am behind the other cars.
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
Let's do it different this time.... I'll give you the breathalyser test. Now stick this in your mouth and blow.
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS last week on TV?
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on the nightstand next to my girlfriend's bed.
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
Gee Officer, that's terrific! The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
So, are you still crabby because your mama didn't let you play with a gun when you were little?
Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothin' compared to this .44 magnum.
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder.
Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
;:" O+O
Posted by gator8_24
- November 19, 2007, 08:15:34 PMBatt your eyes. adjust you clothing and wear a big smile! lol ;:"
Posted by TmT
- November 19, 2007, 07:10:24 PMTips from a Police Officer
What to do when you are pulled over
By KEVIN RANSOM, AOL AUTOS
Story Highlights
Always stay in the car.
Pull over as soon as it is safe to.
The most important rule to follow is to pull over in a safe area.
Keep your hands on the wheel as the trooper or officer approaches your vehicle.
It's ok to complain but don't use profanity. In some states it can get you arrested for disorderly conduct.
*When I saw this article I had to laugh. Isnt this common sense to most people that get pulled over. I was looking for the police officer to tell me how to get outta the freaking ticket* :))
What to do when you are pulled over
By KEVIN RANSOM, AOL AUTOS
Story Highlights
Always stay in the car.
Pull over as soon as it is safe to.
The most important rule to follow is to pull over in a safe area.
Keep your hands on the wheel as the trooper or officer approaches your vehicle.
It's ok to complain but don't use profanity. In some states it can get you arrested for disorderly conduct.
*When I saw this article I had to laugh. Isnt this common sense to most people that get pulled over. I was looking for the police officer to tell me how to get outta the freaking ticket* :))