Little Johnny Jokes

[justahumping]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Cubs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they're Cubs fans, too. Not really knowing what a Cubs fan is but wanting to be just like their teacher, the students launch their hands into the air. There is, however, one exception: Little Johnny doesn't go along with the crowd.

The teacher asks him why he's decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Cubs fan," Litle Johnny says.

"Then what are you?" asks the teacher.

"Why, I'm proud to be a Yankees fan," boasts Little Johnny. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Johnny why he's a Yankees fan. "Well, my mom and dad are Yankees fans, so I'm a Yankees fan, too."

The teacher is now very angry. "That's no reason!" she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

Little Johnny pauses, then smiles. "Why, then," he says, "I'd be a Cubs fan."

That was funny. The teacher is a moron. lmao

[IndianLover]

 :))

[SexySagittarian]

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. 

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything  about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the  smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."

Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.  Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be screwed if he needed glasses."

[hades]

lmao.  :))

[IndianLover]

 :))

[leeanne172]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a pee!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs, you'd be a ten!"

[kgansor]

lmfao :))

[damian666]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a pee!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs, you'd be a ten!"

:o Holy effing chit

[xx_mandy_xx]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a pee!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs, you'd be a ten!"

:)))

[jade2002]

very funny :))

[hades]

lol.  :))

[xx_mandy_xx]

New G-rated johnny jokes lol

Teacher: Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Little Johnny: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

Teacher: No, that's wrong
Little Johnny: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

[xx_mandy_xx]

 Little Johnny: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Little Johnny: Your name on this report card.

[xx_mandy_xx]

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?" One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer. Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one -- the one that the farmer shot." The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you think." "OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?" After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside." Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong -- it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

[sunshine1950]

 :))  Those are too cute!!

[xx_mandy_xx]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

  After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

  "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[xx_mandy_xx]

Little Johnny returned from school and told his father that he'd gotten an "F" in arithmetic.

  "Why?" asked the father.

  "The teacher asked me 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said '6,'" replied Johnny.

  "But that's right!" exclaimed his father.

  "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'" explained Johnny.

  "What the %@*!$'s the difference?" asked his father.

  "That's what I said!!" replied Johnny.

[xx_mandy_xx]

Little Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well during the year that the teacher suggested to the principal that they gave him an oral exam to make up for the test he missed.

The principal agreed so they called Little Johnny into the office and explained to him what they were going to do.

Then the teacher asked, "Johnny, what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?"

Little Johnny replied, "Legs."

The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?"

Little Johnny replied, "Pockets."

The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"

Little Johnny replied. "Rome."

The teacher turned to the principal and asked, "Should we pass him?"

The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I got the first two wrong"

[IndianLover]

 :)))

[hades]

lmao.  ;D